“She needs to sleep this off, but she’s okay,” I said.

Gabby showed a sympathetic smile and watched us head up the stairs.

I got Pearl into our room, pulled off her shoes, and set her down on the bed. Walter wagged his tail, licking at both of us and yipping as he ran excited sprints around the room.

Pearl draped an arm over her eyes, smiling and laughing about something.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Are we going to have sex again?” She was slurring her words so badly that “sex” sounded more like “shecks.”

“No, Pearl. You need to sleep.”

“Really?” She made a kissy face, then burped, covering her mouth. “Because you always seem to want to fuck me, Dean. But you don’t want to keep me, do you?” She laughed a little at that, eyes still closed. “Fuck her. Then, fuck her. Right?”

“I think this conversation would be more productive tomorrow once you’re feeling yourself again.”

“Why don’t you love me back, Dean?” she asked. Now her eyes were filling up with tears and she’d curled up, hugging one of the pillows.

Dammit. I knew the smart thing was to shush her and try to get her to fall asleep. But she was so far gone I doubted she was going to remember much of anything from tonight, so I thought maybe this would be my only chance to really speak my mind to her.

I sat beside her on the bed, stroking her hair as she lay curled up with her back to me. “I do care about you. More than you realize. Way more than you realize,” I said, laughing a little. “You know, I used to think the idea of love was bullshit. Something you tell your mom to make her happy. Something your girlfriends eventually want you to say because it is a symbol of how committed you are. But, the actual idea of caring that much about somebody? Caring so much you’d sacrifice everything you care about for them? I thought that was bullshit.”

“Used to?” Pearl asked. She rolled over and laid her head on my lap, eyes blinking heavily.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Used to. Until I met you. And now I’m pushing away the best thing that might ever happen to me because I’m worried I’ll wind up breaking her if I keep her.”

“Wow. Sounds like some girl,” Pearl was drooling on my leg.

I grinned down at her, fingertips sliding along her scalp. “Yeah,” I agreed. “She really is.”

38

PEARL

It was never my plan to be hungover for my sister’s wedding. But that was kind of the thing about bad decisions. Bad decisions were notorious for also coming with a chronic lack of consideration for future consequences.

I had on my bridesmaid’s dress, which was a pastel pink with all sorts of cutesy little bows and ribbons. Lizzie’s people were doing my makeup and hair and the sun had barely risen. My head felt like it was hosting a toddler trying to teach itself to play the drums with golf clubs.