“Want to explain that reaction?” Amanda reaches over and places her hand on my arm, softly because my family knows I don’t like touch, but I’m not sure if they know why. We never talk about it.

Shit, how do I get around this?

“Mum would never cope with that. Dad left for America and was killed. If you went there, she would worry every minute of every day. You can’t do that to her. Plus, we would miss you. I mean, who will get me the best tickets to concerts and organize Amanda’s hen’s party?” I know I’m talking too fast and using my mother as an excuse, but I don’t know what else to do.

“Whoa, that’s a bit dark. Plus, I was just making a comment because I hate the cold. What the hell is wrong with you?” Rachel never holds back what she is thinking. I think it comes from being the youngest and trying to be heard in the family.

“Nothing. I just think that would be a dumb idea. Your life is here.” My brain is spiraling at the thought of my family in danger, and it’s making me sweat. I don’t feel great.

“Sweetie, are you okay? You look a bit pale.” Amanda now looks concerned.

“Actually, I don’t feel well. Sorry, I think I need to go home.” Grabbing my bag, I pull cash out of my wallet and put it on the table. “You two stay and get another drink on me. I’ll talk to you soon.” Standing, I start to walk away.

“I’ll stop by your apartment later to check on you,” Amanda calls to me.

“No… umm, in case it’s contagious. I’ll message you. Thanks, love you both.” I’m trying to talk calmly when I can feel that my anxiety is starting to rise to a level that is not healthy. I’m breathing too fast and feel a little faint. Calling for a Kentwall car to take me home, I take a seat just inside the restaurant’s door, waiting for it to arrive. My thoughts are going over and over again, thinking about this guy and what he wants from me. They tell me it’s just a money thing, but what if it’s more? What if it’s a revenge thing?

I don’t want to feel this unstable again.

Why is this happening?

I’m not a child anymore, I’m a grown woman who helps to run a multi-billion-dollar business on a daily basis. I can put any man in his place with just words, and I have paved a way for myself in this world, supporting my family too.

I need to ignore all of this.