“What is going on with James?” I ask.

She looks away from me.

She wants me to change the topic but I refuse.

I simply wait for her to respond. After a few minutes, she takes a deep breath.

“He begged me to take him back,” she says quietly.

“And you did?”

“He promised he would never do anything like that again.”

“So you forgave him?” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“Why was he here then?”

“My mom,” she says quietly.

I stare at her, not fully understanding what she’s saying.

“I was about to tell her what happened but she was going on and on about how great he was and how if anything happened, I was going to be the one to screw it up…so I couldn’t come out and say it.”

My mouth nearly drops open.

“So, are you still together?” I ask.

“He begged me to take him back and I sort of did. For my mom.”

“Sydney,” I say, shaking my head.

“I didn’t want her to be disappointed. I didn’t want her to have one more reason to think I was a loser.”

“But he’s the one who is the loser,” I insist. “He’s the one who cheated on you. Surely, she would understand that and wouldn’t want you to be with someone who cheated on you.”

But Sydney just shakes her head. I wrap my arms around her and hold her for a while.

“She would just blame it on me,” Sydney finally says when she comes back up for air.

Our eyes meet and I stare into hers trying to understand what the hell she is talking about.

“She would blame me for making him cheat on me,” she mumbles. “I didn’t want to talk to her about it and I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Sydney, you have nothing to be ashamed of!” I yell after her as she walks away.

“The wedding is back on,” she says, slamming my door behind her.

5

Olive

When I try to figure out what to do…

The following morning, we meet again over breakfast. I’m feeling considerably better and pour myself a big bowl of granola. There’s no milk so I eat it dry.

Sydney and I make small talk without really addressing what is on our minds. I don’t go into the details about what happened with Nicholas and she doesn’t discuss James.

I am sure that we are both worried about each other and we both think we’re making mistakes, but for now we keep it to ourselves.