I hold my breath when I get up to leave. I shouldn’t have ever come here but how could I have known?

28

Olive

When nothing makes sense…

The following week, I go back to see Nicholas. I don’t make an appointment, but I know that it’s during visiting hours and I hope that the guard tells him I’m waiting.

It takes me longer than usual to get through the line of visitors and I go through two hand checks in addition to walking through the metal detector.

Once I’m finally in the waiting room about to go into the visitor area, a guard walks up to me.

“I’m sorry but Nicholas Crawford isn’t available at the moment.”

“What does that mean? Did he get in trouble? Did something happen?” I begin to panic.

Ever since I got back from California, I seemed to have one blow after another.

I immediately think the worst.

“I am sorry, but I can’t give you any more information at this time,” the guard says.

I look at him but also through him, somewhere far away behind him.

I sit here on the cold metal chair for a long time.

It’s only when everyone around me starts to leave that I realize just how long I have been sitting here.

Walking out of the prison, I feel the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. I have no idea what happened to Nicholas and I have no idea if he’s hurt and suffering or just alone.

I have no idea if he has done something in there to lose the privilege of having a visitor.

Nicholas is not one to act out and if he did, then he was only doing it to protect himself. Still, it could be anything and not knowing makes my heart ache.

I think back to how naive my thoughts were not too long ago when it all started.

I thought that if only I was able to find out the truth then everything would fall into place.

Everyone would believe me and he would be freed immediately. Little did I know that the wheels of justice turn very slowly and it is nearly impossible for someone to convince the district attorney that they are not guilty, no matter the evidence.

I hope that’s not the case with all district attorneys but, unfortunately, it seems to be the case with this one.

I don’t want to go straight home and show Sydney the disappointment on my face so instead I just drive around.

It’s a surprisingly warm and sunny day and I even put on a pair of sunglasses to block some of the rays.

I drive for a long time. I grab some food through the Starbucks drive-thru and then drive some more.