31

Olive

When I have to make a decision…

After we hang up, I stop by Walmart and buy two phones. One is cheap and disposable that I’m going to use to call him and the second is a regular smartphone that I can use to go online and check my email among other things. I write down all of the important numbers in my original phone before I leave it in my rental house.

I don’t know if all of these precautions are necessary but I don’t want to take anymore risks than absolutely necessary. I have no intentions of leading the police or anyone else to Nicholas.

I just want to see him one last time.

The drive north is long but breathtaking. I drive from the Southern California desert through Las Vegas and then through Utah.

There I come upon sweeping mountain ranges whose tips are already blanketed in snow. I love the wild out here. And the silence.

I drive for miles seeing no towns or people except for a few fellow drivers.

In another life, I would have probably been afraid of being so alone, but not now.

All of the nature and the lack of humanity puts me at ease. Suddenly, I can breathe a little easier.

When I get out of Utah, I drive into Idaho where the forests get thicker and the trees get taller. When I stop for some gas, I see a bald eagle circling overhead and I watch him for a while until she flies away.

I don’t have that much more to go but I know that I can’t make it tonight. Besides, I’m not sure if I’m ready to see Nicholas again for the first time, at night. I’m exhausted and I need some rest.

I pull into a Motel 6 and pay for a night through bulletproof plexiglass. The room is nice enough, simple without any detail whatsoever.

I drop my bag off on the bed and head straight to the shower. The warm water feels nice on my skin and I lather my hair with the shampoo that I brought from home.

When I turn off the water, I hear a loud meowing sound coming from outside. Since the sun has dipped below the horizon, the weather has gotten much colder and I hope that cat has somewhere warm to sleep.

I wrap my hair in a towel and plop onto one of the beds. It’s springy but hard enough, and at least the pillows look new. As I skip around the channels, I hear the meow again.

Again.

And again.

I put on my pajama pants, socks, and boots along with a thick sweater and a hat. The motel is a double decker with the door of each room going straight outside.