I wish that I wasn’t so angry that night, that I’d actually listened to what he was trying to tell me. I wish that I had been strong enough to tell him that I love him and just let it be known.

Somewhere in the distance, I see a guy walk excitedly holding his surfboard. His suit starts at his ankles and zips up all the way to his neck, leaving only his feet, hands, and head free.

The ocean in California is cold year round. I thought that if it’s seventy-five degrees outside, the water would be warm like it is in Florida. But the currents come from Alaska and the coastline is very deep so if you want to spend any considerable time in the water, you have to wear a wet suit.

The surfer pulls on the zipper up his back to close it shut before giving me a slight nod and running into the waves.

Suddenly, a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me.

I remember walking on that warm Hawaiian beach and seeing Nicholas for the first time, before I even knew he was Nicholas.

It seems like that happened a million years ago and maybe to someone else altogether.

Is that possible?

I bury my hand in the cool sand and stumble upon a shell which is smooth like glass on the inside. Spinning it around in my fingers, I think about Nicholas.

I miss him much more than I want to admit.

I miss his lips. I miss his touch.

But the thing that I miss most is his presence.

There’s a calmness to him. Whatever I might be going through, I’d feel like it was going to be okay just because he was there.

All I want to do now is just tell him about everything that has happened. He was the one who was supposed to be here when I met my real mother. He was the one that found her.

My phone vibrates in my pocket.

It’s Josephine.

I’m tempted to not answer. I reach to press the ‘ignore’ button.

“Hi, sorry I left so suddenly,” I say, changing my mind.

“No, that’s okay, I totally understand,” she says, somewhat distracted.

“Please tell Byron and Ellen that I’ll see them soon,” I say, feeling bad that I didn’t say a proper goodbye to them.

“I will, don’t worry,” she says quietly. I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t.

“Is everything okay, Josephine?” My heart jumps into my chest.

What has happened now?

I don’t know how much bad news I can take.

“Nicholas called,” she says.

30

Olive

When I have to make a decision…

I don’t think I’ve heard her correctly. My skin gets flushed.

Nicholas? My Nicholas? He called her?

“Olive, you there?”

“Yes,” I mumble.

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes, of course,” I say.