When I see him again…

I don’t know exactly what Owen means and I don’t really want to know. I’m tired of him making me feel bad about Nicholas. I have a lot of regrets about my life but falling for him doesn’t even come close to making the cut.

He burst into my life like a wildfire and destroyed almost everything. Yet just like a wildfire, his presence gave me the opportunity to start my life again.

On my terms.

I’m angry with Nicholas.

Pissed.

Upset.

Disappointed.

But the more time passes, the more I miss him.

I hate how much time I have wasted.

He lied to me and yet now all of these months later, I sort of think that I allowed it.

I didn’t press him hard enough.

I didn’t challenge all of those things that I should have.

I get dressed slowly, putting on the layers that I typically wear in the mornings and evenings when the outside temperatures drop by about twenty degrees.

Before leaving my room, I take a deep breath and steady my mind.

Nicholas is not an easy topic of conversation between Owen and me.

Owen sees nothing but the worst in him.

He believes he killed his girlfriend and his partner and he knows that he betrayed him, us, and he will use any opportunity to rub it in my face.

“Don’t you remember our pact?” I ask, walking into the living room where Owen is sprawled out on the couch with a big smile on his face.

He is so drunk that he can barely keep his eyes open yet the beer in his hand remains perfectly vertical.

“And that is?” he asks.

“That we’re not going to bring him up again.”

“Well, if that’s what you want,” Owen says slowly, slurring his words just a bit. “I just thought that you might be interested in what they’re saying on the news about him.”

I furrow my brow and turn toward the television.

There are huge blown up pictures of him in a suit with the words Nicholas Crawford right below.

I bring my hand to my lips unwilling to believe my eyes.

Owen unpauses the television and America’s Fugitives starts to run.

The narrator explains how Nicholas used to work for one of the biggest organized crime syndicates in the Northeast until he and his partner decided to break away, do some deals on their own, and keep their boss out of the loop.

The program doesn’t reveal many names besides Nicholas’ nor does it go into anything beyond the generalities.

What it does offer is an interview with Art Hedison who discussed in detail how dangerous Nicholas is and that the FBI now needs the public’s help in locating him.