Finally I say, "Harold gave me a number to a therapist. She said she would see us, free." That is what pro-bono means, isn't it? I forgot to look it up to make sure there weren't any hidden catches.

Adam chews on his bottom lip. I hate when he does that. He has a pretty mouth and shouldn't ruin it. "We could try."

I sink to the ground, elbows on my knees. "I don't know if I can do it."

"That's why it's called trying and not doing. I'll be here to help."

"I shouldn't need help."

"Everyone needs someone sometimes, Vince." Adam crouches in front of me. Somehow his hands are plenty warm when they come to rest over mine. "Everyone. You and I can do this if we stick together. We don't deserve to be this fucking sad. None of what you've gone through is your fault."

I lift my head to meet his eyes.

Not my fault.

Isn't it?

No one has ever told me that before.

It's not your fault your parents gave you up. It's not your fault the foster homes wouldn't help you.

It's not your fault Maggie and Casper died; there was nothing you could do.

My hands flip over, palms-up, fingers wrapping around Adam's warm hands. He doesn't have to stay, but he does. Not because he has to, but because he's worried. Because he cares.

I've never been a person who gets over things easily. I've never forgiven the foster homes who kicked me out instead of asking what's wrong? What can we do to make this better? I don't forgive Penny for making me feel horrible at Maggie's funeral. I don't forgive Casper for not telling us we'd never see her again. Or Adam, for kissing me and making me wonder why anyone like him would ever look twice at someone like me.

But maybe I need to try.

December

CHAPTER 31

Me: The shelter called me.

Adam: !!!???

Me: I got the job.

#

I do not know how to talk to people. It's a good thing my job at the shelter involves dealing more with the animals than the people there to adopt them. I spend six hours a day, a few days a week cleaning kennels and litter-boxes, filling food and water bowls.

My favorite part is getting to take the dogs for walks. By the third day, they recognize my face, and they know when I show up with a leash in hand, they're getting out for a bit of freedom and fresh air. Every one of them is happy to see me.

Now that I work here, I've been allowed some contact with the dogs in quarantine. Every day I've gone in to see the crippled dog. Yesterday, I got to be the one who brought him into the vet's office for one last check-up on his ear before he was given the all-clear to be moved out on the floor with those ready for adoption. Today is the first day I'll get to take him for a walk.