I wonder if that's me. If I'm on the edge of some big crisis that'll send me spinning out of orbit and into living some bizarre existence where everyone I encounter will think I'm completely nuts.

I'd sooner throw myself off a bridge before that happens.

CHAPTER 10

To: NowhereMan <[email protected]>

From: HARBINGER <[email protected]>

Subject: SW Activity

hello new SW member! i'm sure you've seen me around, but i'm harbinger, the site admin. I noticed your posting level was pretty low and you have not been very active on the forums. we generally make it a rule to only keep active accounts open for security reasons.

no worries. i'm only wondering if you're having problems settling in, and if there's anything i can do to help.

sometimes verbalizing our pain, and discussing out plans for end-of-life happenings is difficult. i like all my website members to feel comfortable talking with me about these things. have you put thought into your end-of-life plans?

best regards,

harbinger (site admin)

CHAPTER 11

I have a message from Casper that night asking if I'm busy tomorrow, and if I want to hang out. We could see the bridge, she tells me.

I'm almost possessive over the bridge. Like what I witnessed there is a secret no one else is privy to. But I've already told her and I guess if anyone's going to share it with me, it ought to be one of the only sort-of friends I have.

After I email her back with a time, she responds: Any objections to me bringing RoxWell along? He wants to meet you. I freeze, fingers hovering over the keys.

She wants to bring...

I get that they're friends. But it never occurred to me they hung out in person. Or had ever met face-to-face. I have a mental image of RoxWell approaching me out of nowhere, reciting a few lines from a song, and running away. The thought of meeting him—and that he wants to meet me—makes me feel nauseous.

Yeah. That's cool.

The next day at the light-rail station, I have no idea what to expect. I don't know a thing about this guy. He's shy, Casper said. Not exactly a lot to go by. What else did she say? That he has a bad home life.

RoxWell has parents who don't care.

Casper has parents who care too much.

NowhereMan has no parents at all.

Casper's stark blonde hair is the first thing I see. She's leaning against a brick wall and her mouth is moving. If it's possible, her face is thinner and more tired than it was when I saw her last. She has on the same sort of obnoxious brightly colored clothes.

The guy standing next to her can only be RoxWell. I can't see much of him. He's got on jeans, and his black jacket is all zipped up even though it won't really get cold until October. A striped black and white scarf hangs around his neck and he's got on this Greek fisherman's style hat—and the only reason I know what kind of hat it is, is because John Lennon wore the same kind. With the way he's got his head down, I can't see anything of his face other than a mop of dark hair falling into it.