She sinks onto the unmade bed, tucking her socked feet under the sheet and blankets. Her pajamas look like they used to fit her better, once upon a time, before she became so small. "So...what happened?"

I'm distracted wandering her room, looking around, studying all the things about Casper she's never told me. "I got there just as they were taking him to the hospital," I say absently, coming to a halt in front of her mirrored closet door where photographs are taped around the edges. Smiling faces of people I don't know. I don't recognize Casper. Not at first.

She was right; she used to be fuller-figured, with a round face and shapely hips. Honestly, the weight looks nice on her. Now she's all bones held together by skin. I touch my fingers to a picture. Casper is standing next to a boy who looms over her, but he has a huge grin on his face and an arm around her shoulders. Boyfriend, I'd guess.

"Did you stay there all night?"

My hand falls away. I turn around. "I couldn't leave him there alone. What if he woke up?"

Casper tilts her head, hands clasped loosely atop her knees. "But he didn't. Not until his mom showed up."

I stare at her, unblinking. "Do you think he's going to hate us?"

"Maybe." Shrug. "Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters. What if he never talks to us again?" I almost say me. What if he never talks to me again? But this isn't about just me, and if Adam is pissed at one of us he'll be pissed at us both.

"And if he hadn't made it, we wouldn't ever talk to him again anyway. I wouldn't say we'll be missing anything except the guilt of thinking we let our best friend die." She raises an eyebrow, and is completely right.

"Why'd we do it, though?" I push my hands through my hair, fingers clutching at the curls like I could, might, rip them out in clumps. "He wanted to die. He always said planning your suicide is stupid like if he ever did it, he wouldn't give any warning, right? It would be a spur of the moment kind of thing."

Casper sighs, sinking back against her pillows, shifting like she can't get comfortable even in her own bed. She presses a hand against her abdomen. "I did it because it would've been a shame."

"A shame?"

"You guys don't get it, do you?" She fixes her gaze on the ceiling. "You have forever. You have a choice."

My hands drop to my sides.

"There are all these shitty things, and you feel alone, and you feel sad, and sometimes the sadness is this all-encompassing...thing, this monster that eats you from the inside out. Not existing is the less painful alternative. But you and Adam have the rest of your lives to make things better and find happiness, you know?"

The rest of our lives, she says. How long will that be? I sink onto the bed beside her.