I check Suicide Watch, but the site is still down. No news articles. No weird emails. I put in thought to emailing Corey to see if she is willing to talk to me, but I don't. She hasn't called. Hasn't emailed. And I'm not sure I have the energy to deal with that right now. Not when I'm staring at my empty inbox and thinking how someday Casper is going to fall asleep and never wake up, and how Adam almost did the exact same thing.

What was the wish I made back when Maggie died?

That I wanted something to love. Someone to live for. Someone who would miss me.

Now I have it, and I'm going to lose them.

CHAPTER 23

Over the next two weeks, I see very little of my apartment, and get to know Casper's pretty well. Amanda—her mom—and Robert are there a lot of the time, either using what little vacation time they have left or working from home, but they're nice people and it might be the first time I've been around a family who doesn't seem glad when I leave. In fact, I find myself looking forward to their ‘family nights.'

Amanda makes dinner and we play a game or watch a movie. Casper usually rolls her eyes at the idea, but there's a softness to her expression, an absence of her usual harshness, that tells me she doesn't mind as much as she says she does.

From: C Harms <[email protected]>

To: Vincent H. <[email protected]>

Subject: it's kind of funny

I used to hate family nights. I hated having to take time off from my friends or my own TV shows or whatever. It was a waste of time. So now, even if I like it, I pretend I don't, because they'll know why it's changed. I'm dying and I want to see the people who matter as much as possible.

I'm glad you’re here for it.

Casper doesn't act like a dying girl around her parents. In fact, she never mentions it. She doesn't say when she's tired or feels unwell. It's pretty obvious by her face and her eyes, but she's trying.

"Halloween is coming up," Robert mentions at dinner. "Do you have any plans, Vincent?"

Amanda has made Casper's favorite: corned beef and cabbage and mac & cheese. Casper told me as we headed for the kitchen that she wasn't hungry, but she's eating anyway. This is her part of playing normal. She doesn't want to hurt her mom's feelings. She doesn't want her parents to see the idea of eating is so revolting she doesn't even want her favorite foods.

"Oh." I think about the question while watching Casper try to choke down another bite. When I nudge her leg beneath the table, she ignores me. "I hadn't really thought about it."

"Well, what do you usually do?" Amanda asks.

I pick at my food, thinking back to many Halloweens ago where Corey talked me into dressing up and going door to door. It was a disaster. Even the thought of how I felt, running into kids from school out on the street without the safety of teachers or parents around...