Then I found out I was moving. My foster home wanted me out, Maggie wanted me to move in with her, and it meant I was being taken away from Corey. When I got upset over this fact, she tried to say, "It's okay, Vinny," and for some reason...it set me off. I accused her of not caring. I threw glasses on the floor and stepped on the broken pieces in my bare feet. I cried and I hyperventilated and ranted that, no, it wasn't fucking okay, it was never going to be okay, and I was so exhausted from people shoving me aside and getting rid of me when it suited and why should I have to move when Maggie would get tired of me in a few months, anyway?

It was why I refused any time she brought up wanting to officially adopt me. It would be one more problem for the day she kicked me out. But Maggie never got rid of me. Still, even up until the day she died, I think a part of me was still waiting for it.

What do I have to show for it? A high school diploma I never cared about in the first place. A lonely apartment. And there's me, sitting here in the dark, convincing myself I'm not dying, not sure if I would care if I were, and too afraid to call the people I think are my friends because I'd likely chase them off like I have with everyone else who has ever mattered.

When I've calmed down enough to move again, I put on one of my Beatles records and let Hey Jude fill the air. Once there are voices other than the sound of my own in my head, I can lie down on the middle of the floor, close my eyes, and focus on the music instead of everything else.

I stay there for the duration of the record. Breathing in, breathing out. Long after it's silent again and I'm only vaguely aware I'm falling asleep. Or too exhausted to move, anyway. When I wake up, it's near nine P.M. Meaning, I've slept my afternoon and evening away and I'm going to be up all night.

Guess it's a good thing Casper is online all hours of the day and night. Me, her, and Adam buckled down and installed an instant messenger program so as soon as I'm online, she IMs me.

Casper: Isn't it past your bedtime, young man?

Me: Just woke up. What a lovely sunset.

Casper: You okay? Rox said he called you earlier and you didn't answer.

Oh. Where is my phone? Why did he call? What would he have said? Adam is so quiet in person, I can't even imagine what he'd be like on the phone. I'd spend forever sitting there, listening to him breathe.

You know, that doesn't sound so bad.

Me: Long day. Nothing major. How are you feeling?

Casper: Same ol', same ol'. The Parents are reluctantly going out of town this weekend. Cousin's wedding. I convinced them not to worry about me and go have a good time.