We finish up by selecting a satin bow tie and cummerbund to match the lapels on my new tux. As I head outside with Ford and Bryce, I admit I’m a little nervous about how this new look will actually shake out.

What if I end up looking like, I don’t know, a member of One Direction or something? Harry Styles can rock skinny pants, but I am not in my twenties, nor am I a rockstar.

I’m also twice his size. What if I look like an overgrown Jonas Brother stuffed into a black satin sausage casing?

And does it even matter if Julia digs it?

I buckle Bryce into her car seat while Ford folds up the stroller and puts it in his trunk. Giving the baby one last kiss, I tell her I’ll see her tomorrow and leave the door open a crack so she’ll get some air.

I turn to see Ford standing on the sidewalk. Hands on his hips, eyes on my face.

“You’re more than just ‘in lust’ with Julia, aren’t you?” he says with a smile.

Crossing my arms, I let out a breath.

“I am. Yes.”

“Fucking finally! I’m happy for you. Honestly. But tell me, Shakespeare—what happened to being the drunk driver of love?”

“I still feel that way. I mean—I’m still scared of hurting her. Getting hurt. I’m very much aware that there’s more than just our feelings on the line here. I told Julia I would be an equal partner in this parenting thing, and I mean to keep that promise.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that,” Ford says. “But you are aware you’re going to have to make some big changes in your life to make that happen, right?”

“I’ll make it work. Always do.” I wave him away. “If I fuck up the romantic piece of this puzzle—really, any piece—I get how real the consequences would be for the baby. But as much as I want to be careful, I also want to put myself out there a little more. Julia—she’s so different from anyone I’ve been with, Ford. Even though she’s scared, too, she’s still taking chances, you know? She’s real. Totally fearless. And I find that really fucking inspiring.”

Ford’s got this gleam in his eyes now. Before I know what he’s doing he’s wrapping me in a bear hug, pounding me on the back.

“Damn that’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” I say. “Although I will admit—that I’m not so confident about. Being able to open up, to let her in. In a meaningful, lasting way. I don’t know if I can trust myself. Or the universe. What if it comes back to bite me in the ass?”

Ford pulls away and looks me in the eye. “Worth it. You’ve got to see by now that you’re hurting people—yourself included—by holding back like you’ve been.”

“I do,” I say, nodding. “I see that now. Or I’m starting to, anyway.”

He claps me on the shoulder. “Deep down, I think you know you’re not the bad guy. You can trust yourself, Grey. You do it all the time in our work, and look where it’s gotten us.”