I’m lucky and privileged in more ways than I can count.

And yet I still don’t know what the right call is here.

“I recognize that this isn’t the end of the world,” I say. “Yes, it sucks. But it could be much worse. I guess…I mean, I guess I just really like my life as it is right now. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. Would I like to be in love? Sure. Would I like to have a family? I mean, yes and no. Not with a guy like Greyson, that’s for damn sure. I’ve always wanted kids in a ‘maybe someday’ kind of way.”

Eva dips her head. “All valid points. I’ve never wanted to be a mother myself. The whole kid thing holds very little appeal to me.”

“I can get that. Now that I actually have the chance to do the kid thing, though…” My eyes smart against a fresh wave of tears. “I don’t know. I mean, am I ready to give up my freedom? Am I ready to be a single parent?”

Gracie rubs my back. “You have time to think about it. Are you going to tell Greyson?”

“Yeah. As terrible as that conversation is going to be, he deserves to know.”

“He might surprise you,” Olivia says.

“Doubtful. But I appreciate the thought.” I look at Olivia. “By the way—and sorry for the change of subject, but since I’m thinking about it—the barn will definitely be ready in time for the date you guys had in mind. How’s the wedding planning coming along?”

Olivia grins. “It’s coming. But tonight is about you. You’ll keep us updated on where your head’s at, right? And you’ll call if you need anything?”

“Of course.” I manage a tight smile. “I know I keep saying this, but thank you. For understanding. And for not judging me.”

Despite my friends’ support, my thoughts still whirl on my walk home. I may be a free spirit, but that doesn’t mean I’m reckless. French footballer aside, I am pretty intentional about the decisions I make. Especially the big ones. I always thought that if I had a baby—and that was always a big if—it’d be the result of years of careful planning. I’d bring that baby into the stable, loving home my partner and I had worked hard to build.

But maybe that’s just it. Building that home requires sacrifice. It requires being tied down.

I’m not sure I ever want to make that kind of sacrifice. My dreams are important to me. I’ve worked hard to make them come true. How many of those dreams would I have to give up to have this baby?

Then again, how many new dreams would I create if I went the other way and kept him or her? Yeah, I’d be losing a lot. But maybe there’s something to gain.

Something I haven’t thought of yet.

Chapter Five

Julia

A trip to the doctor’s office the following week confirms the results of my at-home tests.