I could see his concern from the way his eyes crinkled. But, to my relief, he didn’t press me on it. “Yeah, of course,” he said.

The journey there seemed to take an eternity, or maybe it only felt like it because I was reliving the memory of Penny’s cold words and colder eyes. Over and over I heard her clear voice say, Get out get out get out. I’d barely had any beer, but the world still looked dizzying. I sank my bare feet into the sand, trying to hold back the tidal wave of emotion that threatened to take me under. “Here’s good,” I said.

We sat next to each other on the beach, backs resting against a log. When I looked at Levi, I didn’t know what he saw in my face.

He gave me a crooked smile. “Shall we?” he asked, nodding toward our beers.

Wordlessly, I nodded.

“To summer,” he said, tipping his bottle toward me. “And new friends.”

And to losing old ones.

Our bottles made a satisfying clink when they met.

I could sense him looking at me, so I wasn’t surprised when he asked, ever so carefully, “What happened back there?”

Oh, you know, just an implosion of a decade-long friendship.

I shook my head. “It’s just better out here.”

Levi didn’t break the silence with another question. Silently, we sipped our beers—well, he sipped, I just tightly clung to the neck—and watched the waves foam and recede. We sat like that for minutes, until I heard him inhale. He put the bottle on the sand between his legs, then met my eyes. “Can I say something?”

Warily, I asked, “Is it about the party?”

“No.”

“Okay.” I nodded for him to continue.

He put his palms together, tentlike. Now that he had the floor, he seemed a little shy. I held his gaze, waiting. He drew closer. “I hope this isn’t bad timing, but … I like you.”

I glanced away, running my thumb across the lip of the bottle. It was almost like I’d been waiting for one of us to say it, and now it was finally out there. “It’s not bad timing. There’s nothing bad about it.”

His eyes softened and he leaned back, looking relieved. “Good,” he said, voice a little rougher than before. “I’m glad.”

So was I. But I wasn’t ready to say anything more about it. Because now I knew what good my attraction was—it was everything. It was a safe harbor before I was brave enough to head back into the storm.

seven

I tried to go back to Penny’s twice in the next week. She wouldn’t talk to me either time. I called her name, pounded on her door, even begged a little. But from her side, there was only silence. My very foundation seemed to wobble. The bricks of my life had been built with my friends, and without them, I’d never felt more unsteady.