If I was flushed, it was entirely because of Levi, and nothing at all to do with the temperature. I felt my face warm even more when Mrs. Wang vigorously began to swish the flyer through the air. “I’m fine, really. Thank you.”

“Mom,” said Penny. She still hadn’t come in. “Let’s get something to drink.”

“We can get something here,” said Mrs. Wang. She pursed her rosebud mouth. “Penny tells me you didn’t want to do the Clamshell Queen pageant this year?”

“Uh, I—” Stricken, I tore my eyes away from Mrs. Wang’s concerned face to look at Penny. She’d told her mom that it was my decision?

“You girls have done it together every year, so I was surprised,” her mom continued. “Are you sure? I still have lots of fabric, so you could just drop by whenever you—”

“Mom,” said Penny. “She doesn’t want to.” Her eyes cut to me. “And Babe’s working. We’re holding her up. Let’s go to the Dairy Bar for a milkshake.”

“Why don’t you join us afterward?” suggested Mrs. Wang.

I wanted to say yes. I wanted, in that minute, to take Mrs. Wang up on her offer and ask her to help me sew a dress for the pageant. If I did, Penny would be forced to keep her mouth shut. She wouldn’t contradict me in front of her mom. This could be my in, my way back to everything I’d lost when I’d kissed Chad.

But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know this side of Penny, which meant I didn’t know what she would do next. What if she didn’t like me pulling a fast one on her and turned the tables? What if she called me on it, outed me to her mom right here and now? She could reveal the story, tell her mom what Chad and I had done. It wouldn’t matter that they’d been broken up, not to a mother. She’d take her daughter’s side, obviously. I didn’t want Mrs. Wang to look at me with disappointment. So I held my tongue.

“Penny’s right,” I said. “It’s pretty busy and, um, Tom’s counting on me out there, so…”

“Of course.” Mrs. Wang smiled. “The offer’s still open, though. Just drop in if you change your mind about the pageant.” She squeezed my shoulder before heading for the door.

Penny shot me one last look before spinning on her heel and following her mom. She had lied. She’d pretended it was my idea not to join them this year. I felt numb all over, then icy hot, then nothing. Then I felt the grief rise through my belly and into my throat. It crested into a brilliant, agonizing sob of hurt and pain and every emotion in between. I didn’t feel nothing anymore. I felt everything.

thirteen