This was Chad, my best friend. The guy who taste-tested all my cookies and cakes, even the ones that didn’t turn out great. The guy who showed me how to build my first sandcastle when we were kids, and then chased the older kids away when they tried to demolish it. The guy who taught me how to change a tire and drive a stick, even though I told him these life skills would be totally wasted on a girl who didn’t need to own a car. I couldn’t draw this hideousness out. Not for his sake, or for mine.

“Penny doesn’t want you to come around tonight,” I whispered. “She wanted me to tell you that she isn’t going to change her mind.”

My words hung between us, suspended and fragile, like the smallest puff of breath could blow them away. It took a second for it to register on his face, and when it did, I wasn’t prepared.

His cheek twitched as his expression morphed into disbelief, then hurt, then anger. He didn’t need to speak for me to know everything he didn’t say. I felt it, too. Cheated, somehow. The sadness was there, too, but more than that it was the feeling of being used.

Chad didn’t move away, but he dropped his arms. They hung limp at his sides.

“Hey. C’mon. Talk to me.” I caught his hands, even though they were like unyielding marble. “Don’t shut me out.”

“Did she tell you why?” His voice was hoarse. “Because she didn’t really give me a reason.”

“I … no.”

“Really?” He shot me a confused look.

I shook my head. “I didn’t even know until a few minutes ago.”

“Oh.”

“She … she may have said something about wanting a fresh start. Um, because of starting college in the fall. I think she just wants to feel new again. Like she’s someone else.”

“She could always change her mind. You know how she gets,” he said. “Just blowing off steam. Because I didn’t want to have dinner with her grandparents after graduation.” He waved his hand, crumpled face now looking a bit less hopeless.

He made it sound like it was easier if Penny had decided to end things on a whim. Maybe because it meant she could decide to un-end things on a whim, too.

“It isn’t like those times.” I drew my lips under my teeth, letting my jaw apply blunt pressure, blunt pain. “She was for real. I think she meant it. No, no, she did mean it.”

Some of the hope dwindled from his face. I hated that I was the one who had caused it.

He took a deep breath, tilting his face to the side. “Wait, so what does ‘feeling new’ mean, anyway? Be someone else?” Seeming to skip from denial straight to anger, his voice turned sharp. “Or be with someone else?”