Why has it taken me until now to realize how much I did care? And he’ll never know it now, because I never showed it. I’m sorry, Brent. So, so sorry.

I need to box these thoughts away and fight for survival, but I’m hiccupping and gasping out great sobs. All the times I hurt him. I hate myself for that. He didn’t deserve it. And I didn’t deserve him. He did what he did to Saskia because of me and spent the next ten years—his last ten years—suffering for it.

Maybe Odette missed. Or just wounded him.

Curtis points. “Look!”

A streak of black ahead—a piste marker. That’s the slope down.

Reality hits. Odette could be here any minute. If she took out Brent, we’re next. We don’t stand a chance. What is a biathlete, really, but an elite hunter?

I’m slowing Curtis down. On his own, he has a chance of escaping.

“Go,” I say. “Get your board on and go.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he says.

“My knee hurts too much. I need you to ride down and get help.”

“No.”

We don’t have time to argue. “Remember what I said earlier?” I say desperately. “I say ‘jump’ and you jump?”

“Remember what I said earlier, about being ready to mix you with my life?”

“Curtis.” I can’t afford to cry any more.

“What about you? If I go, what will you do?”

“I’ll hide.” Is that the wind or is it the hiss of skis? I squeeze Curtis’s fingers urgently. “Go. Please!”

He looks at me. And squeezes my fingers back. “I’ll bring help.”

As he disappears, I trip over something in the snow. The ice axe. I snatch it up and look around for somewhere to hide myself. There’s only one option and it’s something I hoped I would never do again. Clutching the axe, I jump into the largest snowdrift in sight and scrape snow over myself as best as I can.

I cover my legs and torso. The weight of it holds me down. My arms and head now. Panic flares inside me. I won’t be able to breathe.

Come on, you can do this. You have to.

Oh God, I hear skis already. She’s still stronger than me, physically and mentally, even after breaking her neck. Taking one last breath, I scrape snow over my face, then burrow my arms below the surface. Wet and cold, it sits on my cheeks. A terrible notion occurs to me. The snow might set in place around me.

Pinning me here forever.

Every instinct screams at me to get up, but through a chink in the snow, I see Odette approach. My heart races. I daren’t breathe through my nose in case I suck it in and choke, so I draw in tiny sips of air through my lips.