and so were you

and for once

i was not so wrapped

up in what was coming

that i couldn’t enjoy

what was already there.

the only memories

i have of you

are kind

you

playing with my younger brother

you

helping my mom carry in the groceries

without her even asking

you

driving my friends home when they didn’t

have rides

you

hugging me when i told you

about my first heartbreak

you

opening the car door

on our first date

you

loving me even when i couldn’t figure out

how to love you back

i only remember

the sweetness of you

a sweetness that i always knew

did not belong

with me

word of advice #3:

when a love comes along

that helps you love yourself

hold it

as close

as you can

when a love treats you

like you’re supposed to be treated

cherish it

as long

as you can

and when that love can leave

without breaking your heart

let it

as gently

as you can

you were easy to love.

sweet like sugar,

you melted over my tongue

like candy.

there was never a bitter

aftertaste left in my mouth,

not even at the end.

—raspberry flavor

i read somewhere that if a rose gets its thorns cut off it will die faster.

that was us, i think:

all soft and silky.

a rose without its thorns.

no prick. not even a drop of blood

was spilled at our hands.

—in other words, it was too good to be true

scene:

we are walking up and down my street. it’s about six months before we start dating. i am just getting to know you. you are telling me about how the girl you like isn’t being nice to you. i tell you, then, about the boys before you, how they broke me and i broke them.

you hug me. “i’m sorry,” you say, “you don’t deserve that pain.”

“i know that,” i respond, “i just don’t know how to stop it from happening.”

“someone will show you what a good love is like one day. one day, you’ll know what it’s like to have somebody who is just good.”

end scene

did you hope, even then, that it would be you?

i cannot tell

if i took you for granted

or if i just didn’t understand

how special it was

to find a love

that was purely selfless

and completely kind

—i learned soon enough

you were the one

i did not see coming

perhaps

that is why

it was okay

when you couldn’t

stay

you kissed me like we had all the time in the world,

and that’s when i knew i was not meant for you.

i wanted hungry.

i wanted someone who knew everything was a ticking time bomb, who knew every kiss could be our last.

i wanted someone who was so afraid to lose me,

every touch carried a bag to tuck a memory in.

we didn’t have all the time in the world.