Chapters (20)
Doc: “What the fuck is Lucille doing here in a dirndl—”
Charlie: “Helping?”
Doc: “I do not think that is what that is—”
Target: “CODE RED CODE RED CODE—”
The Neighborhood: “AAAAOOOOOGAH! FOREIGN INVASION BY SAVAGE FOREIGNS!”
Doc: “I hate fucking Switzerland—”
Lucille: “LUCILLE!”
Charlie: “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OR I WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FOOT OFF—”
Target: “I FEAR NOTHING—”
Charlie: “Kewl pew pew pew—”
Doc: “Nooooooooooo—”
Target: “O gosh”
Doc: —oooOOOooOOoooo—
Charlie: “Pew pew PEW oh wait unpew unpew OH ALAS that does not work entropy—”
Target: “I can see God now he is calling me—”
Charlie: “Oopla?”
Doc: “Ooooo that should have an exclamation point and yet now it feels inappropriately delayed to the point of otiosity DID I NOT express myself with perfect clarity?”
Target: “I am dying of death and also bullets—”
Doc: “CHARLIE WAS I NOT CLEAR?”
Charlie: “Uh no?”
Doc: “…”
Charlie: “Yeah okay busted sorry Doc.”
Doc: “Shut up and get me the pig. And you Lucille—give me your sharpest fucking knife off that suit or you and I will have words and you will not like them I will make you cold sober and sane in half an hour and then I will fuck your shit up like Price cannot even imagine do you hear me?”
Lucille: “Knife for Doc lady yup yup yup sure.”
Doc: “Damn straight knife and now where is my emergency kit we are doing this. And you assholes you GLOVE THE FUCK UP MOFOS THIS IS EVIL SCIENCE TIME YOU ARE NURSES NOW BWAHAHAHA.”
Doc says that she is in no way that sort of outlaw scientist and she does not ever bwahahah but who are you going to believe here?
“Wait Doc so we do not have a guy to open the doors?”
“Were you not listening, of course not, Charlie shot him in the neck he is extinct—”
“I was AIMING for his foot I do not know how—”
“Well that is not good—”
“What we have is in many ways better we have a pig with a man’s eyeball stitched in to its head whacked-up on veterinary painkillers so that she is high as a weather balloon. So long as you do not sing, the system will read her transplanted eye as a happy human, so long as we can get her to the reader. She is not ideally proportioned for retinal scans.”
“…”
“…”
“…Charlie is that how it went down for reals?”
“Boss I can still smell pig blood and hear the sound of the saw do not make me answer that.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“All right let’s rob this fucker.”
“Amen.”
—