“Okay don’t hug anyone but maybe tell them I said.”

“What will you do now?”

“Now I gotta get this done. I’m buying a chair and we’re running out of pigs.”

“…And inevitably I am sorry that I asked.”

“Love you man bye.”

“…”

“…”

“It is not like you to speak in this way.”

“Yeah man Doc is helping me with my emotional well-being I guess. She says it is okay to be friends.”

“With me?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Well that is—nice.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Jes?”

“…”

“…”

“Bye man I gotta go.”

“…Goodbye.”

And then Charlie says:

“ROOT! ROOOOOOOOOT! I AM ROOOOOT!”

NINE

YOU HAVE NOT HEARD A MUPPET ORGASM VOICE until you have heard Charlie’s Muppet orgasm voice. You might think that in a professional setting this is inappropriate but in fact with creative people you have to accept a certain amount of inappropriate. The Muppet orgasm voice is an important part of Charlie’s oeuvre and you do not fuck with the oeuvre.

“MM MMM MMMMM! OOOOOOOOOHHHH YES! YES YES!”

And then:

“I AM ROOT I AM ROOT I AM ROOT!

“I.

“AM.

“ROOT!”

Charlie puts her head round the door.

“I am root,” she says.

“Gotcha.”

This is genuinely a very good thing it means Charlie has certain powers like total domination over the mere matter of the security system at Kircheisen and these powers are significant. We put i am root in the assets list on the board and Charlie says it like ten more times before Doc writes it in the no column next to crime vagina.

So now Doc only needs my distraction to be ready and to kidnap a guy and she is all in.

I need to go to an arcade. With coin-op video games.

Yes they still have those.

Incoming call ring ring:

“Hi it is Banjo Telemark the great artist OR IS IT hello?”

“Mr. Telemark it is Jacinta Globus good morning you may now leave the house without concern for arrest.”

“I may?”

“Yes. I have filed” blah blah law blah blah papers and also blah blah precedent in triplicate ingenuity blah Federal Government v. Go Fuck Yourself 1997 blah blah money power “so that is fine.”

“O thank you.”

“You should obviously take care to commit no infractions of any kind even for the sake of art or JONAS task force will almost certainly take full advantage of it.”

“My art is all entirely legal I assure you.”

“I am prepared to take that on faith you are a client.”

“O good.”

“But I should point out that even an ambiguous situation would afford them the opportunity to arrest you. In the normal run of things I find your approach to art hugely amusing. However in this context I must inform you it would be better if you did not indulge your need to epertay laborjwazay.”

“I beg your pardon that would be teper zlaborjwa is that Polish?”