This will make perfect sense to him it will seem like a message from God. Because right now the whole world is fucking with Hans Eiger and there is nothing he wants to do more than fuck it right back. It is like a dare. It is everything he is.

Security. Strength. Certainty.

He is going to make two mistakes right now. The first one is actually not a mistake it is a sensible thing to do but this is my oeuvre. He is going to phone a friend.

That is fine and dandy. It will hurt him in the end because I am a fucking artiste but that is not his fault that is me. But the second…oh Mr. Eiger oh in his soul he knows it is wrong and yet he cannot but do it anyway.

He is going to let me put bulldozers on his mountain.

Not today.

Probably not tomorrow.

But soon and for the rest of his life.

EIGHT

THIS IS THE CALM BEFORE THE YOU KNOW WHAT. We are waiting for Mr. Friday to come through. While we do this we are in a resting state of readiness. I am the stillness I am the lake water the river the sea I am—

I am very bored.

In fact although I fucking hate this part I approve of it enormously because robbing a bank is what? It is PROCESS Uncle Jack yes that is right. It is not fucking black suits and guns and spooky masks it is process and it is HOMER and process and that is how we do not die. Doc is arranging aerosol-dispersal anesthetic for elephant conservation in India, which coincidentally is also useful for wide-area pacification of security forces on mountains. Doc wants to narrow the focus of delivery and I say JUST ELEPHANT TRANQ THE WHOLE FUCKING CANTON—

But Doc says she has it so she has it. She does. I trust her. I tell her so.

She has already solved the issue of how to get loot off the mountain at the end of the job she is going to have me distract everyone with exciting drones which of course Banjo Telemark will have as part of his ART and which everyone of a law enforcement persuasion will assume have been hijacked or co-opted for this purpose, while in fact the real work will be done using the cable car. Then we will just load the loot into a big container truck marked as roofing supplies and drive it away.

I say the cable car is a boring way to leave a fortress you can only get to by cable car and Doc says yes, it is, that is the point.

I leave Doc to be very grown-up and I feed her pigs and do not let the doors kill any of them and I go to buy junk for my special fucking-with-Eiger-horrible-revenge show.

—

“Hi my name is Banjo Telemark I wish to buy your junk.”