“FUCK YOU JACK I am coming for you I am gonna come for you Jack you’re dead D E A D is what you are you COME TO MY HOUSE—”

“It’s really more of a duplex but anyway you’re saying I should count you as an active like enemy like even if I had some massively financially rewarding thing coming I should not come to you and cut you in that would not make it better. We’re just enemies now over this whole thing? Because man I thought we were bigger than that.”

“Dead Jack. Dead.”

(Mute call.)

“CHAAARLLLIIIIEEE?”

No answer so I go back in the room with the board, which I will not call the board room.

“Charlie Sharkey is calling and he is pissed.”

“Oh dearie dear.”

“Also he is—I got to say this man I feel like he’s mostly coming from a negative sort of place and—did I say I was basically high on you guys like your mitochondrial sexy hormones—”

“Price that is not a real thing JESUS you’re burning up what the—”

“I am filled with worlds of crime Doc.”

“Yes I imagine you are—”

“I see paradigms. Socially.”

“Price—”

“But that is not the point I cannot keep Sharkey on hold forever he is going to become unreasonable well no actually he is already—well never mind that I mean but professionally speaking for a moment Sharkey is aware of my continued being aliveness and I do not think he is our friend. Like he is now officially a loose end. Charlie I wanted to ask you is he—”

“Yes boss.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes he is.”

“The stupid on this guy Charlie it burns.”

“I know boss we should have factored that in to our decision making.”

“Yep no question that was an operational flaw will you mark it down?”

“Yep already done. You wanna explain to him?”

“Yes please—Sharkey? SHARKEY. Sharkey.”

“Yeah the fuck dead man?”

“Could you schschfffp ffkkkffsch I cannot hear you?”

“IS THIS BETTER YOU FUCK?”

“Yes it is thank you.”

“YOU ARE GOING TO BEG ME JACK.”

“I am genuinely saddened by this turn of events man but I got to ask although I already know the answer: Is it possible that you are so appallingly dumb you are calling me on the actual phone I left at your place as a detonator?”

“Wha—”

SNAP.

Because once the phone has exploded the rest of the pretty enormously loud bang noise does not get transmitted. It is safe to assume that although Sharkey’s balls are completely preserved from this sad sequence of events his brains do pass through his other ear at something approaching the speed of sound.

I mean it’s not like we didn’t all know this was coming, but I tell you I am seriously concerned that the legacy crime world is woefully slow on uptake of the digitally mediated workplace environment.

FOUR