It’s a headline, but it’s one of those headlines. It’s too obviously something from a movie to be actually true, especially in Bern. The truer it seems the more there is something else going on particularly when you throw in the presence of a noted asshat prankster like Banjo. The more it looks as if it must be fake, the more Agent Hannah’s bosses will represent that it is the exact truth and no they are not even a little bit joking. The more they say it is the truth the more they invest in that the less they will believe her crazy theory that Banjo Telemark is Jack Price and the more she will know it is true.

And Hans Eiger will still hate every word of it.

Mr. Eiger.

O Mr. Eiger.

Gunmen in armored cars? In a civic space where there are homes and families? Where there are children sleeping? What if someone found out? People might say that it is inappropriate to a gentleman of your associations and position in society. They might say MY god that is NOT correct that is QUITE IRRESPONSIBLE it is anti-social really and scandalous there should be a criminal investigation serious consequences HERR GOTT NO’MAL.

Influential people. Sensible, right-thinking people. Mothers. Fathers. Train drivers and technologists and chocolatiers and ski teachers and scientists and—you know—

The Swiss.

Mr. Eiger.

For shame sir.

For shame.

—

Doc comes and I am a mess with blood and by now it’s really uncomfortable having a pen in my breathing parts and every time my lungs work it’s like well exactly like you would fucking imagine. Hashtag do not want.

“Price what the fuck—”

“Just glue it—”

“I am gluing it shut up for ten seconds—”

“Just OW—”

“Shut up ONE Thermopylae TWO Thermopylae…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“TEN O thank God—”

“You PINCHED me in the TRACHE HOLE ow Doc enough with the needles already—”

“That is a drip full of good things you need at this time. Now hush. Our guest is here. At least you are authentically tousled and disreputably drug-seeking—”

“I am not drug-seeking you pronged me in the blood parts—wait what guest—”

“Remember last night before you started a war in the capital of a peaceful nation?”

“That was not me that was them but also too YOU SAID—”

“I said distraction—with an A not a U—”

“I see what you did there but Doc it truly it was not my fault also too Agent Hannah—”

“Hush Jack.”

“Wait what?”

“Hush. Jack. It’s fine.”

“…You called me Jack?”

“I did.”

“Because of the future we have that we totally do have?”

“Because use of an injured person’s first name is demonstrated to have an immediate calming effect and even there are studies showing increased healing.”

“Or that.”

“Jack.”

“Yes?”

“Also because of the future.”

“The future that we do have?”

“That future. Yes.”

“Aw Doc.”