If you are a member of the law enforcement community and you free them you can claim seven million four hundred and eighty-one thousand nine hundred and forty-one dollars from a total remuneration pot of one hundred million dollars.

If you can supply evidence of someone gaming the system you get a full ten million dollars on presentation of their polished skull on a stick.

I did not want to be too forward about this so I have used Sharkey’s login information and his bank account that seems only fair because I did try really hard not to explode his balls and it’s not like he had any descendants other than those formerly resident as potential in said balls. At least not that I know of but actually he probably did and I make a note to put someone on that.

Then I get up and jump in the river instead of showering and I discover that the river is glacial meltwater and my penis is very unhappy with me.

Lucille swims for half an hour he is secretly made of walrus. When he emerges his walrus man parts are like sweet potato. Doc looks at him through infrared goggles and says his groin is actually two degrees warmer than the rest of his body. This is autonomous urogenital thermogenesis and very interesting scientifically speaking. Doc says I should really look. I tell Doc she is a genius and a woman of tomorrow and I do not look at Lucille’s appalling nethers through high-tech surveillance gear that is not my jam. I go and make art.

But on second thought I do make Doc take pictures because art is where you find it and the more mysterious and horrible the better and if there is anywhere in the universe more mysterious and horrible than Lucille’s sweet potato walrus lovesack I do not know where it could be and I do not want to.

—

“Boss it is impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible.”

“Actually boss—”

“Yes all right lots of things are impossible what impossible thing is this?”

“The thing.”

“What thing.”

“The thing that you said.”

“What—”

“The guy in the marina. Boss he is not there. There’s pictures of the back of his head and like that. But he does not want to be seen.”

“Is there a picture of his ear? I read where they can do ID now with just ears—”

“Boss. I am the nerd in this conversation. There is no good picture of his ear also the availability of ear comparison data is not great.”

“So we have just his back?”

“Yeah shoulders head and butt—”

“How are there pictures of his butt?”

“Like in his suit from behind? The bellhops in the marina hotel wear body cams—”

“Oh so not like his actual butt—”

“No not his actual butt that would be weird—”

“If we had his actual butt could we identify it?”