I became what he divorced.

He's settling for me even though it makes him unhappy. Settling had been the crux of his previous marriage, and why he'd been so miserable. Why he'd been a member of Sanctuary Cove. The sole reason we met and connected is now the same reason we’re on the verge of a messy breakup, because this isn't just a conversation about what we're eating for dinner. This is our future fused together by two rings and a piece of paper.

Fear is two hands pressing on my throat. I'm terrified I'm going to push him in the direction of another woman just like his ex-wife did. She didn't satisfy him sexually, and now I don't satisfy him emotionally. Emotionally, sexually, physically connecting to another person, these are the three basic needs a person with a beating heart seeks every day. You can't have one and not the other. It doesn't work like that, because then you'll always be searching for what you don't have in someone else.

With James and me there was no searching. We were satisfied in every area of our relationship. Until tonight.

Glancing to my side, I eye the bottle of cognac we left open and grab it by the neck.

I don't bother with a glass.

Pulling up my leg, I rest my elbow on my knee then bring the bottle to my lips. I take deep pull after deep pull, until my throat burns and I feel like I could blow flames from my nose. I drink until the last bit of amber liquid that was left is gone.

I toss the empty glass bottle onto James's empty chair and pray to God history doesn't repeat itself.

Twelve

It feels like someone's using a feather to draw figure eights on my thigh.

I inhale an exhausted breath. My eyes are dry as I rouse from a heavy sleep. I try to lick my lips, but I can't move yet.

The airy feeling is back again, tickling my inner thigh. I'm still half-asleep trying to piece together where I am. I listen to the sounds around me. There's an exotic bird chirping, water curling into itself, followed by the warmth of sunlight spilling into the room from a window that had been left open.

It all comes crashing back to me.

Squeezing my eyes, I take a deep breath and force myself to wake up. The sheets are cool as I sweep my legs across them trying to remember when I came inside. My mind is totally blank. A black room of nothing. Last I remember, I was sitting by myself outside until I could swear I saw the sunrise just peak above the horizon.

I lick my lips and reach above my head, arching my back, when I feel pressure at my hip. I glance down my body and find James has laid his head on my stomach, and it's him who's drawing circles on my leg. His body is perpendicular to mine. I watch his eyelashes flutter and realize I still don't have panties on and my knee is bent up. I've never shied away from James before. Countless times I’ve woken with his head between my thighs or with him inside of me saying he couldn't wait. The mornings were mine to have him any way I wanted, while the evenings were his. But I suddenly feel like I'm too exposed after the way we left things last night and I shift my legs until they're closed.