Jack was no good with money. I managed our finances for that reason. He disliked the business side of his work, saying it was tacky to have to deal with selling. He was always looking to outsource that part of his job, wanting someone to find clients for him and deal with the transactions. Then all he would have to do was paint.

“We’ll see,” he said, stepping into a pair of blue jeans and slipping on a frayed leather belt.

I put on my baby voice. “Hey, Jack?”

“Yes, darling.”

“Why do you love me?”

Pausing for a moment, he turned to face me. He sat on the bed and reached out, holding my chin in his hand. “Well, I love you because you’re absolutely beautiful. You’re brilliant, you’re funny as hell. You’re dark, but you’re also light. You make me want to be a better person.” Letting my face go, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “Oh, and you have a killer ass.”

I laughed. “Good to know you’re not superficial.”

Jack carefully watched me before kissing my forehead and climbing out of bed.

I lay back and listened to the clanging of dishes as he made breakfast, then drifted back to sleep.

In a field filled with nothing but red roses, I walked and walked until I came across a little girl. She was small at first, only the size of a toddler. I ran toward her, concerned that she was alone. I didn’t recognize her; the reds all blended into a hodgepodge of petals and swirls. As I got closer, the girl began to grow, her brown eyes expanding until they were two giant boulders blocking my path. Her mouth parted into a smile, all teeth, like the keys of a grand piano. Her hair was made of rose petals and fluttered down, joining with the ground under my feet. She was now a giant, and she stood, staring, her teeth growing larger and larger and sharper and sharper. She opened her mouth and swallowed me whole. Everything went black just as the loud bang of the front door startled me awake.

Jessica.

“What the fuck?” I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stretched my legs, groaning from the release. I stood, straightened the pillows, and tugged at the edges of the blanket, adjusting the left side slightly, and then the right side, then the left side again. Satisfied, I walked to the bathroom to take a shower, spotting a tiny yellow sticky note on the mirror:

She didn’t want to be loved

She wanted to be idolized

Chapter 42

Jack liked to gag me and tie me up. Jamming a pair of panties into my mouth, he’d loop his belt around my ankles and wrists, or use one of my scarves to hog-tie me as I lay on my stomach. Sometimes he’d bring rope home from his studio and tie intricate knots around my hips and breasts. Securing me to the bedpost or the closet door, legs and arms spread wide open, he’d leave me there for undetermined periods of time, waiting for him.