I never went back, but that night I masturbated to the image of my face buried between Joanna’s legs.

July 25

I saw Grace on one occasion for intake. Session focused on anxiety and family concerns. G did not attend her last scheduled session in December and did not reschedule. This file is therefore considered closed.

Chapter 36

Jack was AB negative and I was type O negative. The holy grail of blood. Coming down one morning, we decided we should donate. It seemed the logical thing to do after a bender of self-indulgent debauchery.

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” I asked, lifting my hand to shield my eyes from the sun.

Jack opened the passenger door for me. “Don’t be silly.”

It smelled of summer: floral, grassy, still, and dry. My skin was buzzing. We hadn’t slept at all. I stared out the window as we drove, watching the trees blink by. The world was blurred and unbearably loud. Mufflers growled and garbage trucks grinded and beeped.

My ears were blocked, so I plugged my nose and swallowed.

Jack killed the engine. “You ready, my little bloodlover?”

My ears popped as I shifted my jaw from left to right. “Yeah.”

We climbed out of the car, entering the sterile building and making our way to reception.

A woman sat behind the desk, wearing thick-rimmed black glasses. Her hair was pulled tightly into a ponytail. “Hello, do you have an appointment?”

“No.” Jack approached the desk, resting his elbows on it. “Do we need one?”

“You do not. First time donating?” She blinked at us.

“No,” we said in unison.

“Alrighty, I’ll need you both to fill out these forms.” She slid two pieces of paper across the counter using her index finger, as if she were discreetly offering us a pay increase.

The form consisted of a series of yes/no questions. Jack and I began circling our responses, lying where necessary without hesitation.

Are you exhibiting flu-like symptoms?

Do you have diabetes?

Have you had dental work in the past three days?

Have you ever tested positive for HIV/AIDS?

Have you travelled outside the country in the past year?

Have you used cocaine in the last year?

Have you had sex with a man who in the last year had sex with another man?

Have you been in contact with or exchanged bodily fluids with a monkey?

Snickering, I slid my finished sheet back to the woman.

I watched as Jack answered the last few questions. “Didn’t you just have sex with that monkey last week?” I tapped my long, manicured fingernail on the desk, soothed by its clacking. “I thought you guys made a cute couple.” I turned to the receptionist and smiled charmingly.

“She’s kidding.” Jack handed over the form.

The receptionist was unamused. “Have a seat in the waiting area. They’ll call your names when they’re ready.”

Jack and I settled on the padded grey chairs. The majority of people in the room were young, in their thirties and forties. A red-haired man in a blue suit sat across from us, reading a magazine. He reminded me of William for some reason. Maybe it was the freckles, or the way his brow was furrowed. I missed him; he had been offshore for the past few months.