I hold my hands in the air, trying to look unguarded and totally defenseless, but without my hands helping me stay afloat, I bob a bit underwater and accidentally swallow a mouthful of chlorine. “Look”—cough cough—“you’re totally”—cough—“right to be”—cough cough—“angry.” I flip to my back to catch my breath, the starless, dark expanse of space above really fitting how I feel inside right now. “I just got carried away this morning after seeing Dominic and Miguel making out.”

I see Ross do that confused cock of their head from the corner of my eye. “They were kissing,” I explain. “A lot. And it made him dumping me so much worse that he’d think it’s fine to come to my space, my pool, and flaunt it that he’s with someone else. Then I couldn’t stop thinking how jealous he was just over you bringing me coffee. So when he asked who you were, I told him you’re my partner without even thinking about it. I thought if he saw that somebody else wanted me, he’d want me again too. And then the words were out of my mouth and I couldn’t take them back.”

I gently paddle to the side of the pool so Ross can see that I really mean what I’m about to say. “But it wasn’t right or fair for me to bring you into this, and I’m going to tell him tomorrow. It’ll just confirm to him that he was right to break up with me. Who knows”—I smile weakly—“maybe that’ll make things easier, knowing that I really am pathetic and a guy like him wouldn’t be with a person like me.”

“Don’t say that,” Ross demands.

“I swear I will never say we’re together again.”

“No, not that. Don’t call yourself pathetic. It’s . . . pathetic.”

I huff, but more at myself. Their words carry a little too much truth.

“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings,” they add. “You don’t deserve me telling you this right now, but you should know that there’s a lot you’ve got going for you. I mean, you seriously messed up lying to Dominic about us, but you also showed me kindness when I was a complete stranger. You made me laugh all night when I couldn’t sleep. There are great things about you, and Dominic should have realized that. You should realize that. No more of this self-deprecating . . .” They pause and their eyes drift to the sky, like they’re trying to find the right word. “Bullshit.” The cuss sounds so unnatural coming from them that it comes off sweet and innocent. “Besides, I know what it’s like not to be able to be with someone you want.”