I sink to the bottom of the pool, letting out all the air in my lungs in a stream of bubbles so I’ll stay down here for a while. I can hold my breath the longest of anyone on the swim team. Longer even than Kavya, which always bugs the shit out of her. I’ll just sit down here for a minute or two, enough time for Ross to storm off and forget they ever met me.

The soft buzz of the pool lights beneath the water settles my nerves. The swish of my hair floating around my head helps too. It moves slowly, effortlessly, like anything that needs to be done can be done with all the time in the world. I close my eyes and try to shut out what a colossal shit-for-brains I’ve been. But when the burn in my lungs finally starts to override the burn of regret at pulling Ross into this, I know I’ll have to face the mess I made head-on.

I launch myself from the bottom of the pool, my legs bursting beneath me. This is one of my favorite sensations on the planet: water zooming by as I speed toward the surface. But when my head breaks the water and cold air fills my lungs, I feel exhilarated and disappointed every time. Exhilaration from the relief of oxygen filling me up after holding my breath as long as possible, and total disappointment that I need air at all. I wish I could just breathe underwater and stay in this happy place instead of having to face the fact that I’m a complete asshole when I’m on land.

“I should have known you would do this.”

Ross’s angry voice cuts through the air as my hands grab the side of the pool. They’re sitting on the bleachers, looking absolutely livid. My tensed muscles that were ready to pull me onto the cement push out instead, thrusting my body backward so I can float in the middle of the water like a coward.

Ross paces back and forth. “I was told over and over and over how selfish and cruel people are on la—” They stop themself and quickly shoot a worried look my way. “In Los Angeles. But stupid, pathetic lonely me thought just one person couldn’t be all that bad, and that he might actually need help. Then you go around and say that we’re getting naked when we just met. What were you—achoo—thinking?”

They’ve stopped pacing now, arms crossed in front of their heaving chest, eyes practically red as they zero in on me with barely controlled fury.