‘I can see that,’ he says, and his face splits into a wide grin.

Despite the freezing-cold waters, I feel my cheeks flame. Until now I didn’t realize boobs floated. It must be the natural buoyancy. ‘These are my friends.’ Trying to strap my boobs down, by folding my arms while frantically doing doggy-paddle, is not an easy manoeuvre. I motion towards Naomi and Ellie, who are along the bank and now fully dressed. They both smile and say their hellos.

‘Ben’s my builder. He put up your tent.’ I continue with the introductions as if I’m at a cocktail party in Mayfair, not naked in a freezing-cold river in the Yorkshire Dales.

There follows a flurry of thank yous and a discussion of bell tents versus yurts, which I’m sure is all very interesting, but I’ve been in the river so long I can no longer feel my legs.

‘Well, I’d best be off. Just heading up to see the farmer about a quote for converting a barn.’

‘Super!’

My teeth are beginning to chatter and I’m physically numb from the neck down. I say physically, because emotionally I am completely and utterly mortified.

‘Bye then, see you tomorrow.’ He waves. ‘And safe travels,’ he adds to Naomi and Ellie, before giving Harry a rub around his ears and heading off up the fields.

As soon as he’s out of earshot, Naomi turns to me, goggle-eyed.

‘You never told me about Bob the Builder!’ she hisses.

‘It’s Ben,’ I correct, relieved to be able to finally get out of the river. My legs are dead weights, and Naomi has to give me a hand as I stumble onto the pebbly beach.

‘Now I know why you don’t miss London. And to think I fell for all that stuff about dramatic landscapes,’ she snorts, as I dive onto my clothes.

‘He’s married,’ I cry, fumbling at my underwear with numb fingers, ‘and even if he wasn’t, I would not be interested, trust me.’

She makes a little noise in her throat and nods her head in that infuriating way Naomi has of pretending to agree, when really she doesn’t. Quickly pulling on the rest of my clothes, I put Harry on the lead and we start to walk back to the house. For a few minutes nobody says anything, and I relish the feeling of the warmth returning to my limbs. Naomi walks beside me as Ellie runs ahead. I can feel Naomi looking at me but steadfastly ignore her, until finally she can’t bear it any longer and elbows me in the ribs.

‘Still – now I know what you mean about the scenery.’

And flashing me that wide Naomi grin that never failed to set me off in the staffroom, we both burst out laughing.

STAGE 4

Hang in There

Hey you,

So you’ll never believe it: I went wild swimming in the river! Yes, me! The scaredy mouse who would never go further than her ankles. And you were right all along – it was freezing, but truly amazing. I wish I’d found the courage years ago; still, now I’ve found it, I’m not planning on letting it go. I remember once reading about the difference between courage and bravery: being brave is having no fear, but having courage is doing something despite being afraid. And I’ve decided that courage is a lot like swimming; you’ve just got to practise it.