Overwhelmed. That’s the word Miss Hattersley used. But she said that was OK, and sometimes in life we get overwhelmed trying to express ourselves and everything we feel. She said that in art lots of artists used something called symbolism and they painted feelings, not things. So she gave him a fresh piece of white paper and said that instead of painting everything, to choose just one thing that symbolized happiness.

So Stanley drew a pizza. Because pizza makes everyone happy.

Valentine

He drew back the curtains. It was still early, but he could tell it promised to be a lovely day. There was snow on the hilltops and the sun was shining. Pulling on his dressing gown, he went into the kitchen, filled the kettle and turned on the radio. Every morning he had a routine. Picking up a pen, he reached for the jotter pad he kept on the side to make daily lists. As he turned the page to start a new one, he smiled to himself.

Monday 18th December

1. Pick up grandson from school

2. Wish Liv safe travels

The Rest of Your Life

‘I thought you were only going for two weeks.’

‘I am!’

‘How can you need this much stuff for two weeks in Mexico?’ Carrying my suitcase down the stairs, Ben grimaces. ‘This weighs a ton!’

‘I wasn’t sure what to take.’

‘So you thought you’d take everything?’ He grins and I smile sheepishly.

‘Here, let me help.’ Following behind him, I try and reach for the handle, and for the first time I notice his left hand. He’s taken off his wedding ring. He catches my eye and a look passes between us. No words. No fuss. Just an understanding.

‘I’ve got this,’ he says.

I think it was a Greek philosopher who said that change is the only constant in life. I never used to like change. It unsettled me. Scared me even. I had so much change as a child that I grew up to fear it – something to be resisted. And for a while there I did a pretty good job of keeping in my comfort zone, until one day my marriage ended and life fell apart and suddenly I had no choice. It was do or die.

And I wasn’t going to die. Not yet, anyway. And as scary and shitty and hard as it was at times, I’ve slowly come to realize that my sister was right when she told me that life is what happens at the edge of your comfort zone. To embrace change is to embrace life. It can open you up to all kinds of wonderful things. And if I ever needed any confirmation, then I only have to look at the events of this past week to prove it.

Since the dance there’s been so much change. After Ben’s initial shock at finding out that Valentine was his real father, they’ve been doing a lot of talking. There’s a lot to talk about. A whole lifetime to catch up on. But what’s important is that Valentine’s fears were unfounded. Ben didn’t reject him – far from it. There’s been no talk of blame or guilt or fault; just acceptance and recognition of how lucky they both are to have found each other, after all these years. Perhaps, in some strange way, that’s the gift grief gives you. Because having known what it’s like to suffer loss, these two men could only see how much they had to gain.