‘If you swear to keep this to yourself, I’ll do my best,’ I promised. ‘But bear in mind, I’m not going to the actual ball, I’m just Juliette’s helper monkey. Her manager was very clear about the fact I will not be attending the party.’

Jess’s disappointment transmitted itself loud and clear from a living room in Sheffield, all the way to the inside of a wardrobe on a yacht in Italy. ‘I don’t want to be a dick, Fran, but this is no time to be Little Miss Follow-the-Rules. I love you completely, but if you don’t find a way to go to that party, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you.’

‘That’s because it’s way more your thing than mine. What am I supposed to say to Leonardo DiCaprio while we’re in line for a Gordon Ramsey omelette?’

‘Ask him why all his girlfriends are under twenty-six,’ Jess replied immediately. ‘And why he likes dinosaurs so much. He bloody loves them apparently, collects fossils.’

‘Can’t wait to work that into conversation,’ I said, completely incapable of unknowing that fact for the rest of my life. ‘If I run into any other celebs, I’ll text you for icebreakers.’

‘No, you won’t, phones are forbidden,’ she said. ‘But I’ll see if I can find any confirmed guests online and send you some just in case. Now, get back to making Juliette our best friend so we can go and visit her in LA. I just Google mapped her house and she’s got a guest house with two pools.’

Outside the wardrobe, I heard another phone chirping, soft but insistent.

‘I have to go,’ I told my friend. ‘I’ll talk to you later.’

‘Tell Juliette I said hi!’ she called as I hung up one phone and crawled quickly across the floor like a particularly motivated baby to answer the other.

‘Hello?’

‘Juliette has asked that cocktails be served on the aft deck before dinner,’ Lenny’s voice came down the line, smooth and certain.

‘OK, thanks,’ I replied. ‘Remind me, where’s the aft deck?’

‘I’ll come and get you,’ he said, the warmth from his voice radiating down the line and making me shiver. ‘Do you need anyone to help you with hair and makeup?’

‘For dinner?’ I asked, incredulous. ‘I don’t know, do I?’

‘Forget I said anything,’ Lenny replied, as though that was even a faint possibility. ‘I’ll see you in a while.’

Replacing the handset, I leaned back against the wall and wondered what the appropriate look might be for dinner on the aft deck of a super yacht with one of the world’s most famous women.