His eyes flicked over my hair, my face, my neck, my breasts… We were so close that I could feel his chest move with every breath he took and he was so on a knife edge that I was almost afraid to breathe. If my chest swelled and my breasts pressed against him a little more, would he just grab me?

I started to say we can’t, but the second my lips parted on the w, his eyes locked onto them and I felt his whole body tense, an animal about to spring. I froze. Not because I didn’t want him to kiss me, because I wanted it more than anything else in the world. But if it happened, that would be the end of him and JD. I stood there motionless and pleaded with my eyes.

His nostrils quivered as he slowly inhaled, trying to calm himself. I didn’t dare glance away but I knew his hands were making fists.

His chest filled, pressing harder and harder against me. I took a shuddering breath. I was trying to stand firm, to be iron, but the heat of him was melting me, making me buckle and run like butter. He was pressed against me so hard, I was leaning back a little and with the edge of the bed against my calves, I was almost losing my balance. I could just fall back onto the bed. That’s all it would take. Just let myself fall.

“Your car’s here.” Katharina’s voice from the doorway, carefully neutral.

Danny stared at me for a second longer…then he closed his eyes and slowly exhaled. He took a step back, paused, and only then did he open his eyes. In control again…but only just. He held out his hand.

When I’d volunteered to go with him, I’d been thinking about the mission, the team, helping to get us home. I hadn’t thought about the fact we’d be dressed like this, holding hands….

I took his hand and we headed downstairs to the car. The instant his fingers curled around mine, I could feel that connection, the cocky, confident spirit of him throbbing into me, and me flowing into him. With every second we were in contact, the ache in my chest grew.

How were we meant to stay apart when we had to pretend to be together?

49. Becker

49

BECKER

I was almost alone in the BND headquarters. The others had gone home to wives and husbands, except for a small number who worked directly under me and knew better than to dare to leave before I did.