He pulled me into an embrace. I closed my eyes and patted his back. Things were different with Erin. I had real feelings for her. But how could I ever make JD believe that, when he’d had years of knowing me as a horndog who never hung around the morning after? And when I told him I’d already slept with Erin, after he told me not to, that would be it: like he said, he’d never forgive me. I’d lose him forever: like he’d warned me in Mount Mercy, we’d be done. And if he hated me, that would poison his relationship with Erin. Both of us would lose him. And that would leave JD on his own, right when he needed people who cared about him. It could send him back to that dark place I’d pulled him out of.

I knew what I had to do.

45. Erin

45

ERIN

The locals were reindeer herders and they lived out here, six of them alone in all this vastness, with just a supply run every three months to break the monotony. They introduced us to the reindeer, which were incredibly sweet and gentle. I’d thought of reindeer almost as fantasy creatures, harnessed to sleighs. Having them nuzzle feed from my palm, feeling the velvety softness of their noses…I was a long way from my burrow, a long way from everything I knew. But I was seeing things I never normally would.

Danny and JD rejoined us. I was desperate to know what had happened, but I’d have to wait until I got Danny alone. The locals handed out bowls of rich, dark stew and we ate while we talked.

“We need to get to a town so we can find a plane and get out of the country,” said JD. “But it’s too far to walk. And the satellite phone didn’t survive the crash, so we can’t call Kian for help.”

“What about the truck?” asked Danny, pointing. It was ancient, with faded olive paint and a tarp covering the back.

“Hasn’t worked in months,” said JD. “They’ll sell it to us but it’s no good unless we can get it going. We took a look before you showed up and the electrics are shot.”

I nodded. “Danny and I will take a look.”

The two of us walked over to the truck and popped the hood. “Well?” I asked. “How did he take it?”

Danny didn’t answer and my heart sank. He didn’t tell him.

Then he looked at me and I realized it was worse than that.

My stomach tightened down to a cold, hard ball as he told me what JD had said. “If we’re together,” he said bitterly, “I’ll lose him.”