No! I wanted to run up to the top of the hill and holler it so loud they could hear it in Texas. No, I’m not okay! I needed him. I needed him in my life, I needed him to kiss me and touch me and make me feel safe and I needed him to fuck me. And that need that had pulled me to him so hard was now flipped around and turned into something brutal and jagged. Being near him hurt, now, and it would hurt all the way back to Latvia and then on the plane all the way back to the US. And then when I went back to Vegas and never saw him again, I knew it would hurt in a whole different way because then I’d have to face a future without him in it.

I forced myself to nod. I could see he didn’t believe it, but he grudgingly released the screwdriver and I went to work. I focused on cleaning connections and swapping fuses and not on how much it hurt.

“Try it now,” I said in a tight little voice. Danny went and got behind the wheel. As soon as he was out of sight, safely hidden behind the raised hood, I felt my self control slip away. My head came forward, my eyes closed and the first silent sob shook my body.

Danny turned the key and the engine roared to life. The truck belched out a cloud of thick, black smoke that enveloped us, then settled down to an idle.

Danny jumped down and ran around to where I was standing. I turned away, but not before he saw the shining tears running down my cheeks. “Erin?”

I walked away. “It’s the smoke,” I managed.

46. Danny

46

DANNY

The truck was without a doubt the slowest thing I’d ever driven and it was a long way to the nearest town. That gave me plenty of time to brood.

What was I thinking?! I’d hurt Erin and that was the last thing I’d wanted to do. Why hadn’t I just stayed clear of her?

I glanced over my shoulder. Erin was in the back with the others, trying to doze as we bounced along pitted, unpaved logging roads. Being this close to her but not being able to be with her was hell. Another day, and we’ll be home. Then she’d go back to Vegas and everything would be okay. Things would go back to normal.