It couldn’t have been a mistake. She hasn’t called me in five years, whether on purpose or otherwise. I never thought I’d hear from her again, and suddenly, I desperately need to know why she called. With a heaping dose of false confidence in my own ability to keep it together, I touch the number and bring the phone to my ear. It rings once before she answers, like she’s been waiting for me to call back.

“Scarlett?”

“Mandy?” Her voice is unmistakable, but I still can’t believe it. That feeling of watching myself live my life is back because it doesn’t seem real that I could be talking to my former best friend after five years of silence.

“Holy shit,” she breathes out. She sounds relieved. “Are you okay?”

Where was this concern years ago when I was going through the absolute hardest part of my life alone? If I had any energy left after the day I’ve had, I’d shout all of the creative obscenities I’ve been saving up over the years. But right now, the best I can muster is curiosity. “What do you mean?”

She launches into her questions at about a mile a minute. “I saw that post and all the comments. You’re publishing again? Was this some kind of marketing ploy? I’m guessing no because it’s not like you. Were you supposed to use your name? Who outed you? Did Ryan find you?”

“Whoa,” I interrupt her. “Slow down. Where is this coming from?”

Taking a deep breath, she starts again, calmer this time. “That post of you and Ryan at that coffee shop. It’s all over social media. But it felt weird, you know? I took that picture. I remember going with you guys and taking a bunch for you to use and you posted that one. So, I guessed something wasn’t right, and I wanted to…” She trails off.

“You wanted to what, Mandy? Get a front-row seat to the show?” Even I can hear the bitterness in my voice, but I decide to lean into it. If everyone who has ever wronged me wants a piece of me today, I guess they can each have a small one until there’s nothing left.

“No.” She sounds frustrated. “Listen, you’re not going to believe me, and that’s fine. I wouldn’t expect you to. But after the last time we talked, I thought a lot about our conversation. It haunted me, you know? I was wrong. Ryan called looking for you, and that was when I realized you’d left. I wanted to apologize but…I didn’t know if you would have answered.”

“I wouldn’t have. I really needed you, and you acted like a bitch.” I hadn’t meant to say it quite so bluntly, but no matter what I had said, the sentiment would have been the same.