Chewing on my bottom lip, I meet her gaze and hold it. If I’m going to say this, I want to be looking her in the eyes when I do, facing it head-on.

“I don’t think I can do it.”

She studies me for a moment, then her red lips twist into a sad smile and she nods slowly, as if she knew already. “I’m so sorry.”

I flip my hand over so I can squeeze hers. “Me, too.”

“I came here with a plan to wiggle out of your contract with Anastasios and pitch this book to a bunch of other houses, but…do you want to hear it?”

Another editor and another campaign and another risk? I shake my head. “I don’t think I’m in the right place for that right now.” I watch Trina try to hide her disappointment for a minute, then I add, “That’s not a never. It’s a not right now.”

“That’s fair,” she begrudgingly admits. “What will you do?”

Sighing, I look out the window in front of me. People walk back and forth, laughing and enjoying the sunshine. Spring in Chicago is wonderful like that. All of a sudden, the cold breaks and everyone sheds their outer layers. For months, people talk about how nice the weather is and how wonderful it is to be outside again after the bitter cold of winter. I want to be those people. I want to walk in the sunshine and talk about simple things and be happy.

Can I be happy without writing?

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. It’s an answer to both of our questions, and it’s the best I can do right now.

“You’ll figure it out,” Trina says.

I hope she’s right.

Trina and I chat for another hour or so. The door is open now, so she asks me more about everything that happened five years ago. I tell her some things, but she reads me pretty well and changes the subject when I get uncomfortable. It’s nice having a friend to talk to. I guess that’s what we are now—just friends. Even if my royalties still pay for her groceries.

When we finish our coffees, we part ways. I check my phone on the way back to my apartment to see four missed calls and no voicemails. Three are from Ryan, but one is from a number I haven’t seen in a long time. I stop in the middle of the sidewalk and stare at it for a minute until someone bumps into me, and I move nearer to a building so I’m out of the way.