She’s so elated, she misses the air of irony in my voice. Or, perhaps, she just accepts it.

On the way back to Dewitt, we have to pass the oval. My fists clench by my sides as we approach in anticipation of seeing Molly and Danni, and as I suspected, they’re still there. They’ve finished filming now, and are sitting on the grass, their legs stretched out before them. Molly has her back to me, but Danni notices us almost as soon as we round the corner. Her gaze roves past Eleanor and lands directly, intensely, on me.

I hold eye contact, and keep my face carefully blank. It’s not a crushing sadness I feel. I’m not sure I even have the ability to catch fire like that anymore, for better or worse. Rather, it simply feels as though there’s far less of me than there used to be. And I was never all that solid to begin with. If souls were corporeal, I suspect mine would look rather a lot like honeycomb.

It aches, this new absence. And I can’t shake the feeling that if I could close the space between us—a hundred feet that might as well be a chasm—the aching would vanish. But I can’t, can I? In order to respect her boundary, I have to pay the price of my own comfort. She comes first, because she must.

Still. It doesn’t stop me from wanting and wishing and hoping, right down to my honeycombed soul, that she will close the space for me.

Days later, after yet another dinner with Danni and Molly sitting tables and tables away from the rest of us, I discover over a slice of apple crumble and cream where my breaking point lies.

Danni said she wants to be there for Molly, and I don’t intend to impede their quality time together. But that doesn’t mean I can’t seek out Danni while she’s by herself, does it? If I’m not stealing her from Molly, then why does it matter? It shouldn’t.

As wary as I am of putting Danni in an uncomfortable position, I think clarity, at this point, is a necessity. And if Danni does reject an offer to spend time with me, then I’ll know that when she said Molly wanted space from me, she truly meant she wanted space from me, and I can act accordingly.

The only problem is concocting an excuse to spend time together that doesn’t seem like an excuse. After dinner, I walk back to Dewitt within the heavy flow of students, several feet behind Molly and Danni. They say goodbye to each other as Danni stays on her floor, and Molly continues up. For now, at least, they’re spending the evening apart. So it’s fair game, no?