Weirdly, even though there’s not a whole lot of stuff on me and Rose in particular, every day it seems like there are more mentions of me. I guess because Molly’s posted about me a few times now, or because royal-focused media outlets have noticed I exist, but it’s getting clear I’m not exactly anonymous anymore. Not famous enough for people to hate—yet—but my name’s getting brought up alongside Eleanor and Molly in magazine articles about Rose, and some of Molly’s fans have started dropping my name in forums like they know me personally. Like, Did you see the latest video Molly filmed in Danni’s bedroom? What would you call Danni’s haircut, I want to describe it to my stylist? Danni said something about Zach Knight in Molly’s story today, do you think they have tickets to next month’s concert?

It’s all friendly stuff, but the whole parasocial aspect of it is pretty weird.

The second week, things get a little better and a little worse. Better in that I’m confident in my ability to fake being happy, so I start actually interacting with Molly again—in class, anyway. Worse, in that when I lock myself alone in my room and start googling Rose, a bunch of articles about her and Alfie start popping up. Apparently over the weekend the two of them went on a coffee date, and held hands across the table while they talked.

Personally, I think it’s pretty screwed up of Rose to lead him on like that, but I guess it’s none of my business anymore. Whatever. As long as they’re both happy. And according to the articles, they’re very, very happy. Look at them, being happy over their coffees, and happy walking side by side out of the café, and happy happy happy as they stop under a leafless tree to whisper to each other on a street corner.

It doesn’t help that Rose has pretty much shut me out. She doesn’t text. Doesn’t call. If we cross paths, her eyes pass over me like I don’t even exist, and she never seems to be anywhere near me while we wait outside the classroom to go inside. It’s like she never met me. A couple of times, I catch myself wondering if I imagined the whole thing.

And the worst part is, I deserve every single stab. I know I do, because I asked for this. I demanded it, even. So, what right do I have to expect Rose to stay friends with me? None at all.

But damn, I wish knowing that made it magically sting less.