“There’s nothing to think about. I know the name of an abortionist. A doctor in Houston who will do it. My obstetrician told me the name. He’s a real doctor. But it costs five hundred dollars, Daddy. I’m sorry it will cost so much.”

“Don’t worry about that, honey. It doesn’t matter how much it costs. Just for God’s sake don’t tell your mother. Don’t tell her anything. Who’s this doctor you know about? What’s his name?”

“His name is Doctor Van Zandt. He’s a real doctor and my obstetrician said he wouldn’t kill me. I have to do this, Daddy. I can’t carry another baby. I can’t stand to be pregnant again. I’ll kill myself if you don’t help me.”

“Calm down, sugar. Don’t talk so loud. Of course I’ll help you. You’re my little girl. Go back to bed now. Go get some sleep. I’ll have this figured out by morning.”

“There’s nothing to figure out. We have to go down there and have him do it. Malcolm will kill me if he finds out I did it. He got me pregnant on purpose, Daddy. He did it to keep me from leaving him.”

“Oh, honey, please don’t tell me all of that. I can’t stand to hear all that. It doesn’t matter now. Just let me think a minute.” He put his head down into his hands. Oh, God, I thought, now he’s going to talk to God. “It’s not my fault,” I added. “He did it to me on purpose. He did it to keep me from leaving him.”

“All right, honey. You go back to bed now. In the morning I’ll call Uncle James and have him check on this doctor and then we’ll go there. Don’t worry about anything tonight. Go back to bed.”

“I could have a legal abortion but there isn’t time. You have to have three doctors sign the paper and Malcolm would find out and stop me. You’re going to do it, aren’t you? You’re going to help me?” I stood up. I was raising my voice.

“Be quiet, Sweet Sister. Just go to bed now. I’ll take you in the morning. No one’s going to make you have another baby.” He stood up beside me and patted me on the shoulder. He was worried to death. That was as close as I ever got to having him adore me. I wanted him to adore me. I adored him. Why couldn’t he adore me? Well, he was going to take me to get an abortion. That was as good as adoring me. It would suffice. It would do.