“I don’t think so. Listen, he was a real doctor, Uncle James. There was a nurse there and everything. Do you think I need some penicillin? I’ll take it if you want me to. Maybe I should take some just in case.”

“No, I think you’re fine for now. I’m going to stay for a week. Tell me this, did the doctor do any tests to see if you were pregnant?”

“I was pregnant. I was throwing up every morning.”

“But you didn’t have tests made?”

“No. How could I? They might have found out and put me in jail. This way they can’t prove it.” I shook my head. I stopped on the path. He was making me mad now. Why couldn’t we just leave it alone?

“I doubt if you were pregnant, Rhoda. You can’t be sure if you didn’t have a test. Do me a favor, honey.” He put his hand back on my arm. “Let’s tell your daddy you weren’t sure. I think you imagined you were pregnant because you were so frightened of it.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter whether I was or not. I had to save my life. Do you think I need some penicillin? I think I ought to take some. To make sure I don’t get blood poisoning or something.”

“No. That’s all right. It’s all right, Rhoda.”

“Well, I’m going to change Kotex and put on my bathing suit. I haven’t had any fun for about a thousand weeks.” I backed away from him. I was sick of all of this. Sick of the abortion and sick of talking about it. I went into the summer house and found my suitcase, which my father had brought up onto the porch. I went into the bathroom and took off the bloody Kotex and put a tampon inside my body instead and found a washcloth and washed all the blood off my legs. Then I put on my new bathing suit and admired myself in the mirror for a while and then I went outside to see if my mother had arrived with my babies.

Chapter

32

I healed in a hurry. I always healed in a hurry. Within a week I had completely stopped bleeding and even went out to the country club one night and started swimming laps. The water was cold and clear and I pretended I was training to swim the English Channel. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, I chanted as I swam. I saw the shores of France. I saw the cheering crowds, heard the bands, saw the banners waving.