‘I’m going out to Fairfields,” I screamed. “I’m going with Charles William.” Mother tried to grab me. I pushed her out of my way. She resisted and I pushed her again and she collapsed in a heap by the live oak tree. Daddy came around behind me and grabbed my arms. Charles William got out of the car and stood by the car door. “Oh, see here,” he began. “She was only coming out to visit. Are you okay, Dee?”

“Of course I’m not okay. I’m a prisoner in my own house. This goddamn place is killing me.”

“Oh, Rhoda.” My mother began to cry. Charles William went to her and tried to help her to her feet. “Oh, my darling,” she cried. “Don’t talk like that. Don’t curse God.”

“Go on home, son,” Daddy said. “Rhoda isn’t going anywhere tonight. She’s going to stay here and help her mother. You come back over in the morning and bring little Irise with you. We’ll be glad to see you then.” He fixed Charles William with his black-eyed stare. Charles William let go of Mother and backed away. I was struggling to free myself but I could not move.

“You son-of-a-bitch,” I was screaming. “You better let go of me.”

“Oh, Dudley,” Momma sobbed. “Oh, please, please, you two. Please stop all this.”

“Can we help?” Uncle Will called from the porch. “Come on, Bro. Come sit down and let’s talk this over.”

“You need any help, Ariane,” Cousin Martha Jane called down. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Is everything okay?” It was Irise’s mother calling from across the street on her porch. “Can we help you? Is that you, Charles William?”

“I’m leaving,” Fannin chimed in from the back stairs; “Someone better go in and see about those boys.”

The night wore on but it did not get better. Charles William left. Mother got me back into the house. The company fixed another drink and settled down on the porch. I fell asleep sobbing with my children around me on the bed. “Nobody loves me,” I was sobbing. “Oh, Malcolm, oh, Jimmy, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have anything to live for. I might as well be dead. I’m a terrible mother. I’ve ruined my life. There’s nothing to do. It’s all over now.” They patted me and moved in close. They threw their fine fat little bodies between me and the world. Think how thrilled they must have been. Their own mother to themselves for the whole night. Their wonderful mother in need of them.

Chapter

33