The thing that really depressed me was a scene set in America where some people lived around a bayou, where alligators live. They all got together regularly to eat the shrimp they caught.

I thought about all these people having fun together, their friendships and how I was missing my old friends – not just Katie and Jane, all of my old classmates, even the ones I didn’t like so much when I was at school with them. And then I noticed that most of the American people on the screen were drinking beer or wine. I started thinking about Mum, how she hadn’t been in touch.

Dad and Caitlin were obviously in their element. Dad was spooning Caitlin on the couch and occasionally she turned around and kissed him, or rubbed his leg when something nice happened in the doco.

I just wanted someone to hug me, to smile at me, to wrap their arms around me and hold me. No one gave me affection anymore. Well, Caitlin did, but that didn’t count.

When the doco finished I jumped into bed and cranked up some Led Zeppelin through my headphones. In-between messaging Caroline to ask her about more music I should try listening to, I googled Trent McLean to suss him out. There were a few pics of him online. One in his basketball team pic after they won the grand final and another with him wearing an apron, working at a shop in Old Aldinga. Very interesting.

I woke before my alarm sounded. Trent was the first thing that crossed my mind. I think I felt a little bit of excitement, maybe? It was a good change from thinking about Mum and Dad and all of their mess.

My mouth was dry. I went to the kitchen to get some water, singing a line from Zepplin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’. As I entered the living room, Caitlin shushed me. She was standing in the middle of the room on a yoga mat in her knickers and T-shirt, contorted into some weird pose.

Piss off, I thought. I kept humming the song to myself so low that Caitlin could still hear it and couldn’t really complain. Then I took a sip of her glass of water that was on the bench. She said, ‘Please pour your own water,’ kind of calmly except in a tone that was a bit more strained than her usual voice.

As I walked past, I sneakily grabbed Caitlin’s new speaker off the bench and made my way to the bathroom. How the hell am I going to fix myself some breakfast? I wondered as I passed Dad and Caitlin’s room and saw his big feet hanging out the end of the quilt cover.