BooksBarbecue
Back My Spare Heart
Chapters (25)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. PRAISE
  3. DEDICATION
  4. CHAPTER 1
  5. CHAPTER 2
  6. CHAPTER 3
  7. CHAPTER 4
  8. CHAPTER 5
  9. CHAPTER 6
  10. CHAPTER 7
  11. CHAPTER 8
  12. CHAPTER 9
  13. CHAPTER 10
  14. CHAPTER 11
  15. CHAPTER 12
  16. CHAPTER 13
  17. CHAPTER 14
  18. CHAPTER 15
  19. CHAPTER 16
  20. CHAPTER 17
  21. CHAPTER 18
  22. CHAPTER 19
  23. RESOURCES
  24. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  25. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Then I couldn’t stop talking, telling them all about the times Mum had been drunk during the year and messed up, including the crash on the way to the basketball and rocking up to Katie’s after being hit by her boyfriend and having to go to hospital. I cried and Sue handed me some tissues, but I kept talking and it felt good. I didn’t care that Jamie was listening. I knew that he understood, and I knew that Sandy and Ryan understood. I asked, ‘Is it okay to keep talking?’ conscious that I was taking so much time and everyone nodded.

Sue said, ‘Take all the time you need.’

At some point I just ran out of words. It felt like I’d exhausted everything I needed to say. And then I breathed, and I swear I could literally feel a little bit of anxiety leave my body like a little bit of water spilling out of a jug.

When I got home, I messaged Mum:

Phoebe: Hi Mum, I hope you’re feeling better Mum: Nice to hear from you, sweetie. What have you been up to?
Phoebe: Just school and things. Oh, and rehearsing the song for my performance. You’re going to love it Mum: What song is it? Phoebe: You’ll have to wait and see Mum: You know I hate secrets

She went quiet for a while and then I asked:

Phoebe: Mum, did you speak to the police? Mum: Yes. Phoebe: Did they arrest Simon? Mum: Unfortunately it’s not like that Phoebe, but at least what he’s done is now on police files.
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That was something, at least.

Mum changed the topic:

Mum: What about basketball? Phoebe: I’m playing tomorrow night, remember? It’s the end of Term 1 game. Mum: That’s right. How do you think it’ll go? Phoebe: We’re doing well but we’ve had a win and a loss against this team Mum: You’ll be great, Pheebs! I’m sure you’ll win.

I hoped she’d be there to see whether she was right.

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As I walked to the court the next day wearing my basketball uniform and LeBrons, I dribbled my ball and tried to block out memories of my concussion. Although I’d played a handful of games since then, the concussion was always in the back of my mind.

But when I entered the stadium, the sound of the ball on the court, the anticipation of the game, the sight of the hoop, all fear seemed to take a back seat.

As I ran through warm-ups with my team and our coach Suzy, I nearly tripped when I saw Mum walk into the stadium with Nana. I couldn’t believe it. She was actually here!

I passed the ball to Caroline and walked over to Mum and Nana. ‘I’m so glad you came,’ I told them as they gave me a hug.

‘Wouldn’t miss it,’ Mum said, and I looked away, thinking of the irony of the comment.

‘Hope you have a great game, Phoebe,’ Nana said, patting me on the shoulder.

‘Don’t hesitate,’ Mum said. ‘That’s when you get hurt. Just play your natural game.’

I nodded and ran back onto the court, the game about to start. Hayley tapped the ball to me and I thought to hell with it and took off down the court as fast as I could. An opposition player jumped across me to block and I spun around, pulled back and put up a tidy little lay-up that sank in.