I sure hope that Jackie Macky recovers from the sniffles. Maybe the police will start to arrest germs and put them in jail. Maybe a truck full of smartphones will fall on Andrea’s head. Maybe everybody will start wearing hazmat suits to school. Maybe Mr. Cooper’s ingrown toenail will come out the top of his head. Maybe we’ll get to eat sub sandwiches. Maybe women will make up their mind and stop changing their name for no reason. Maybe the good germs and the bad germs will start a germ war. Maybe babies will stop looking like Winston Churchill. Maybe Miss Daisy will buy skateboards with wheels on them next time. Maybe humanitarians will start to eat humans. Maybe our feet will run and our noses will smell, instead of the other way around. Maybe Andrea’s eyes will roll out of her head. Maybe I’ll sing “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” the next time I wash my hands. Maybe eyeballs will start to wear clothing. Maybe I’ll move to Antarctica to get away from the germs. Maybe we can talk Mr. Cooper into letting us sit around and eat bonbons for the rest of the school year.

But it won’t be easy!

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About the Author and Illustrator

Courtesy of Dan Gutman and Jim Paillot

DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. He lives with his weird wife in New York (a very weird place). You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.

JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.

Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.

Credits

Cover art © 2016 by Jim Paillot

About the Publisher

Australia

HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.

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Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

Canada

HarperCollins Canada

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Toronto, ON M4W 1A8, Canada

New Zealand

HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand

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Rosedale 0632

Auckland, New Zealand

United Kingdom

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF, UK

United States

HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

195 Broadway

New York, NY 10007

* What are you looking down here for? The story is up there, dumbhead!

* The Ingrown Toenails would be a good name for a rock band.

* You won’t find the answer down here.

* That’s a prize they give out to people who don’t have bells.

* The bells in our school sound like the word “bring.” Nobody knows why.

* I dare you to stand up right now, wherever you are, and scream out, “I love cheese!”