I choked on a cry as I said what I was so fearful to release into the universe, so terrified to admit, even to myself. “I miss him, Alicia. God, I miss him so damn much.” I furiously rubbed between my breasts to chase away the ache. The ever-present pain living and thriving in my chest. “I just wish it would stop hurting… When will it stop hurting?”

Alicia hugged me tighter to keep me from falling apart. If only she was strong enough.

Chapter 7

OWEN

I was a walking zombie, refusing to go back to that house. The house I once shared with my wife. The house that sat empty and bereft of her presence.

I couldn’t stand to be there without her. With the constant reminders of the things left behind. Her vanilla perfume sat on the dresser, the once healthy orchid was dying on our kitchen bench, the black heels in our closet that she wore to our last anniversary dinner.

I packed a travel bag of clothes and crashed at my parents. They were trying their best to support me, but I could feel their disappointment, could sense the regret from my brother.

Which was a step better than the rest of the town. Bitter resentment permeated from each whisper, every piece of gossip not so subtly reaching my ears. Everyone was talking about my betrayal, and the worst part was that I couldn’t even defend myself. Didn’t even want to.

They spoke no word of a lie. Sure, some of the rumours were far-fetched and exaggerated, but the main focus remained the same. I was a good-for-nothing cheat who lost the respect and dignity of all those I loved.

Everly continued to blow up my phone, wanting to discuss future plans for our baby—my baby. I still hadn’t really come to terms with everything. It almost felt like an abstract concept. As if all that was happening wasn’t actually happening to me.

I maintained a daily check-in to make sure the baby and Everly were healthy, but besides that, I had no energy left to give them. All my resources were geared towards staying alive.

It sounded dramatic, but it’s truly how I felt—like I was fighting just to remain present and afloat. With barely enough power to eat or sleep, I lost weight, only leaving the house to go to work or stake out Alexis’ parents’ home.

Which is where I was at that moment. I knew I was a complete fool, but it was the only way I could breathe, to be near someone who was in contact with her in order to feel close to her in some way—any way.

I leafed through the divorce papers again, the ends fraying from my rough handling. Alexis wanted me to sign, but every time I picked up the pen, my fingers wouldn’t move.