A rapt knock on my driver’s window made me jump. I was so far inside my own head I hadn’t noticed Harriot approaching.

I wound down the window with a guilty expression, and Harriot sighed with pity. “Owen, you can’t keep doing this. We’ve told you she’s not coming back, and we won’t talk to her for you.”

My features dropped. I couldn’t even look her in the face. “I know, Mrs Thorne.” I used to call her Harriot, at times even using the endearment “Mum”. That privilege had since been revoked.

“You don’t look well, Owen. You need to start taking care. If not for yourself, for your baby.”

I flinched. When will I come to terms with my new role?

“I just…” Just what, asshole? My hands scrunched the papers, making a crinkly sound. “I just want to talk to her. I need to hear from her that she’s sure about the… About the divorce."

Harriot’s eyes softened when we were interrupted by her phone ringing. She checked the number, then seemed hesitant before her expression hardened. “Now, I’m not doing this to be cruel. I’m doing this so you can finally move on, Owen.”

Before I could make out her meaning, she answered her phone and put it on speaker. “Mum? I missed your call earlier. Everything okay?”

Alexis. I hadn’t heard her voice in months. Silent tears poured down my face as Harriot gave me a sad expression before she replied. “Baby girl, I know you’ve forbidden us from talking about it, about Owen.” I heard Alexis gasp on the other end. She wasn’t expecting that. “Alexis, I just wanted to ask once, and I promise I’ll never ask again.”

One second, two. “Ask.”

“Do you want this divorce? I’m not questioning you to defend anyone. I’m only asking as your mother. You’re my only concern, and there is no rush to come to a decision. Is this divorce what you truly want?”

I held my breath.

“Truly want?” she asked, her voice marked with all the bitter pain I felt inside. “How the hell should I know? This was never the future I envisioned, Mum. We were going to try for a baby next year. Instead, he fucked my friend, and now he’s having a baby with her, not me. You’re asking me if this is what I want? Of course this isn’t what I fucking want! Yet, they gave me no choice! He gave me no choice.”

Alexis was weeping at that point, and the broken sound tore me apart. What the fuck is wrong with me? By fighting the divorce, I was delaying the inevitable. My need to keep her only hurt her more. When would I stop hurting her? Now. This has to end now.