Everly continued to spout some bullshit about doing what was best for Alexis, acting like she was doing her a favour by telling her the truth. Yes, of course, Alexis deserved to know, but not like that, without me to show her my sincere regret, to get on my knees and repent.

I would fix it—do anything to fix us. All she had to do was hear me out, let me explain.

My sweet girl would understand. She always listened and was always fair. Alexis would come around.

I had built up some hallucination where we could still be happy, where we would get over the roadblock and come out stronger. There was no other alternative I would consider or accept.

If only I had pulled my head out of my ass and deemed that mere roadblock to be what it truly was: a fucking head-on collision with a ten-vehicle pileup added on the end. Multiple casualties would come out of it, and I was yet to check on the first and most critically injured victim.

With a strong word and a promise to call Everly later, I managed to get her to leave. That’s when I realised my wife was not in the lounge; she was upstairs, packing.

I gulped down air, trying and failing to keep my equilibrium intact. It was my chance—my only chance. I could not fuck it up. I would not fuck up.

Alexis was my wife. We belonged together. I just had to remind her of that.

“Your touch feels like poison.” Her sincerity gutted me nearly as much as her expression.

When I was holding her cheeks and staring into her eyes, I saw the depth of the damage I had wrought. Within them, I found her soul crumbling, causing mine to roar back in return.

A devastating abyss opened before me as I dropped to my knees and she gave me her parting words.

“You will never see me again.”

That triggered my first ever panic attack—a shame I couldn’t say it was my last.

When I finally came to, hours had been wasted. My mouth was dry, my lungs hurt from the strain of merely breathing and I felt as if I had been beaten within an inch of my life. I wished that was the case.

Enough time had passed for the initial shock to sink in and for us both to calm. I would find her, and then we could speak rationally.

That’s when the blinding fact hit me. I didn’t apologise. I hadn’t yet apologised. Although the words had been shrieking inside my head for a month straight, I never actually said the words.

I didn’t think I could hate myself more. Still, I proved myself wrong time and again.

Chapter 4

OWEN

After dragging my useless carcass to the car, I sat in the driver’s seat and ruminated.