After the forms were done, they all took a formal portrait with the photographer they had flown in. Each was at an angle where they were looking into the distance, no smiles, and they were encouraged to “imagine oceans in the distance.”

*  *  *

Sitting in the barn, Ayanna received a small backpack from her church sponsor. Inside were a water bottle, three small flashlights and backup batteries, a solar blanket, a small solar lantern, a waterproof notebook and three pens, a small first-aid kit, different dried foods, a mechanical watch that would still work over there, a golden pill, and a bracelet made of leather and black-gray beads. Ayanna put on the bracelet and examined the pill. In the dappled light coming from the barn windows, it was an optical illusion. It was simultaneously pill-shaped and looked like molten metal; it didn’t seem possible.

“Ayanna, why do you walk this path?”

“I walk this path to see God’s love.” The words came out more passionately than she expected.

“Ayanna, why do you walk this path?”

“To learn about all the wonders of creation.”

The church elder’s eyes were kind. Ayanna could feel how proud she was.

“Ayanna, why do you walk this path?”

“To understand.”

The only other acceptable answer would have been “to guide the dead back to life.”

Then, Ayanna stood up, put on the backpack, and walked back out into the hot day. The blue door glistened in the humid air. Olivia, their father, and some others were spread into two rows, so Ayanna would walk through them. At each person, she paused and let them squeeze her hands or hug her. Ayanna was grateful no one said anything, only embraced her. To hear what they had to say would feel like she was walking toward death. For so long, all she had wanted was to go through, to see things for herself, but as she finally approached, Ayanna didn’t feel any of the wonder and longing she’d had, only the fear she had long repressed.

When she approached her father and Olivia, Ayanna smushed them together with her arms, feeling both around her. If she said a goodbye, they wouldn’t let her go through. The ceremony would be over. But she smelled them, both of their deodorants failing a little bit to combat the day’s heat. Tried to hear the sound of their breaths and even each heartbeat. Olivia clung to her and whispered in her ear, “You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay.”